


Stargate: Parallel Universe

by Sela21k



Series: Stargate: Parallel Universe [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-07
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 00:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 40,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sela21k/pseuds/Sela21k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An original work centered on our beloved Jack O’Neill based in an alternate universe and timeline after ‘Abyss’. This work was originally published on Live Journal from September 2006 through April 2007 and will be housed here along with the other Stargate: Parallel Universe series from other sites going forward. Re-edited and slightly updated, those who have read this before will find the emphasis of certain chapters slightly changed. Comments are enthusiastically welcomed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things You Should Know

**Author's Note:**

> Original Publication: September 14, 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things You Should Know before entering the Parallel Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Publication: September 14, 2006

"Stargate: Parallel Universe" is my original fic based on the Stargate Universe but set in an alternate reality where I am The Creator of All Things. While I try to keep as close to canon as possible, there are some key things that will be different in my universe so please be prepared for that. The main story line takes place between "Abyss" and the end of season eight. I am not responsible for any canon that occurs after season eight - unless I want to be. :) There may be spoilers so enter at your own risk. Please note for further reference that this section is Item #1.

The center of The Parallel Universe is our beloved Jack O'Neill. While the Jack O'Neill in this universe retains the all of the snarkines and quirks of personality that we all know and love, he is not nearly as clueless as the Jack O'Neill in canon is suppose to be. He's only playing dumb because it helps him to get away with stuff he doesn't want to do. So if he seems smarter at times than he's "supposed" to be, that's all part of the fabric of the universe. He's not Sam Carter or Rodney McKay smart, but he's no slouch either. Besides, I never really bought the act anyway...

As a nod to one of my other passions, The West Wing, I have elected Matthew Vincente Santos as the President of the United States for the duration of the timeline of my fanfic - or until I decide to elect someone else. Please note that Matt and Helen Santos are the only West Wing characters that will appear in this universe so I don't consider this a crossover fic. If you have a problem with any of this then - say it with me people - please see Item #1.

Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter do not get together in this fic. Jack has another love interest and this fic centers around the two of them. Her name is Dana Nelson. Dana Sedona Nelson works with the Santos White House as a Special Aide to the First Lady. She was recruited by the First Lady (who she knew in college before she married Matt Santos) out of the non-profit sector to work as a consultant overseeing the First Lady's pet projects. When I decided to write a story about an ordinary person caught up in the extraordinary circumstances that is the reality of Stargate SG-1, she came to mind as the love interest for Jack and stayed there. Sorry, but in my universe Sam had her chances with Jack and blew 'em. That's what happens when you keep dickin' around.

Please also note that Janet Fraiser and Jacob Carter do not die in my universe. I love them both and I refuse to let them go. Under No Circumstances will the characters of Vala, Dr. Lam or any Ori Prior whatsoever appear in this universe. Cameron Mitchell may show up in the future but if he does, it will be on a different SG team where he will be trained first as an SG-team member, then a SG team leader for some other team, but not SG-1. Jack O'Neill will always be the leader of SG-1 until the day he decides to give it over to Carter. As this is my universe - well, please see Item #1.

The rating on this fic is for the most Gen/PG-13 with some non-explicit adult references here and there. If through further revisions something more adult appears in the story line, I will post a warning before posting that chapter and also on that post and put that entry behind an LJ cut. After that, you're on your own.

Although I've pretty much finished this main story introducing this universe, there will be more. Throughout the month of September 06 I'll be moving the chapters of this fic from another location until the complete fic resides here. If you want to keep up with the happenings in the Parallel Universe, please friend this journal. And be sure to comment because reader feedback is food and drink to a writer.

Welcome to the Stargate: Parallel Universe. I hope you enjoy it.


	2. Cats and Dogs

Just as he reached the restaurant, Jack's cell phone rang. The hell that was D.C traffic was exacerbated by the sudden spring downpour. She was caught but was on her way. Would he wait for her?

Would he wait? Of course not, he had told her, cheerfully sarcastic….he had flown in from Colorado Springs for the weekend because he had nothing better to do. She had laughed and said she would see him soon.

He handed the keys to the waiting parking valet and bounded up the stairs to the restaurant lobby. He had brought an umbrella but left it in the car. He wouldn’t melt. A little rain never hurt anyone. He’d be dry by the time he reach the matre’d who at the moment was informing a very nice looking woman that her dinner partner had left a message that he was caught in the rain and would be late.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,’ he was saying, “But we can’t seat you until your guest has arrived. Would you like to wait in the bar?”

It was her tone that caught Jack's direct attention. “The bar?” He could hear the hesitation in her voice. When was the last time he had met a woman younger than his mother who hesitated to go into a bar alone?

“Yes, ma’am,” the matre’d answered. “Or if you’d like to wait in the lobby –“

“Actually,” Jack spoke up from behind her, “It’s a very nice bar.”

The woman turned towards him as the matre’d greeted him with a broad smile.

“Colonel O’Neill!” the older man gushed. “Welcome back! Good to see you again, sir.”

“Thank you. Glad to be back.” Jack turned his attention to the young woman with a smile. She smiled back tentatively as if she were trying to place where or if she knew him.

“Didn’t mean to butt in ma’am but, it is a very nice bar,” he said turning on the charm. “Not your usual run of the mill bar, very pleasant, very classy and they keep out the riff-raff. Except for me of course.”

She chuckled. It was a good sign. “I couldn’t help over hearing, but the person I’m meeting is also running late. I was going to wait in the bar. If you would rather not wait alone…” Jack let the invitation dangle.

Her deep brown eyes held his for a moment and the reserved smile warmed. “Thank you.” She said simply. Jack nodded at the matre’d and led the woman over to the intimate alcove across the lobby which was only half as full as usual due to the rain. Jack chose a table where they could see the restaurant’s entrance and held her chair as a waitress came over.

“Hello again, Colonel O’Neill.” The smile the waitress gave was friendly and inviting although the invitation was clear for Jack alone. “It’s been a while.” Jack saw that his table partner noticed and was amused by it which was slightly embarrassing. He could only imagine what she was thinking. “Yes, it has,” Jack said coloring slightly. “I think we’ll have …white? Red?”

“How about the usual?” the woman said pleasantly. The waitress, whose attention had been almost completely on Jack glanced over at the young woman who met her gaze steadily and pointedly.

“The usual it is,” Jack chimed in anxious to have the waitress move on. “Thank you.” Having gotten the message, the waitress nodded and left.

Jack shrugged smiling apologetically. “Sorry about that. I guess I just have …one of those faces.”

To his surprise the woman laughed. “Actually Colonel, I’m the one who should apologize,” she said. “I shouldn’t have –“

“No, no…no,” he said, “Don’t apologize. And don’t call me Colonel. The name’s Jack. Jack O’Neill.”

“Hello, Jack. I’m Dana Nelson.” She smiled at him and held out her hand. Smiling broadly, he took her hand and instead of shaking it, he held onto it. To his surprise, Jack found himself holding her gaze as well.. “Nice to meet you, Dana.”

The waitress bringing their wine broken the spell and sheepishly Jack let go of Dana’s hand. Good Night nurse - what was wrong with him? When he had offered to accompany her to the bar, he was just being gallant. He wasn’t planning on making a connection – just a drink and some pleasant conversation while the two of them waited for their late dates.

It was actually Dana who started the conversation. “So you’re a Colonel? Army?”

Darn. He didn’t want to talk about the service. “No, Air Force.”

“So you work here in Washington D.C?”

“Ah- no.” Jack explained. “I’m stationed in Colorado Springs.”

“Oh,” Dana said, “You’re not from here?”

“No, ma’am. Although I do get here a couple of times a year.”

“A couple of times a year…and yet, they know you by name around here.” Dana’s smile and the twinkle in her eye was mischievous. “You must have made quite an impression.”

Jack laughed ruefully. “You don’t want to know,” he said depreciatingly.

Dana tipped her head to the side and gave Jack a long searching glance. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Sounds like it would be interesting…”

Jack looked up from his glass into her direct open gaze. Was she flirting with him? Her gaze didn’t waver, but he could see that the only thing she was offering him was genuine interest. Although he had known her for practically no time at all, he felt so comfortable at the moment looking into her eyes that he felt could tell her anything. Almost.

“What about you?” he asked trying to switch the subject off of him. “Do you work and play here in D.C.?’

“I’m not sure just yet,” she said taking a sip and smiling at him over the glass.

“Really?” he said intrigued, but before Jack had a chance to ask for a clarification he saw the matre’d at the entrance point a well-dress man in their direction. Following his gaze, Dana turned to give the man a warm smile and a small wave.

“Well,” he said a little too brightly as they both came to their feet. “It seems that’s going to be a mystery I’ll never know the end of.”

Dana laughed softly. “You never know, Colonel, we may run into each other again. Stranger things have happened.” She thanked him for the drink and Jack watched as the gentleman she met half-way slipped his arm around waist with a smile when Dana returned as he guided her out of the bar. It surprised Jack that he was slightly disappointed at how warm the smile was.

As the couple disappeared around the corner, Jack sat back down at the table and gazed for a moment at the lipstick marked wine glass left behind. After a moment, he pulled out his cell phone and changed his dinner reservation to a restaurant across town.


	3. Lifeline

She was about to leave for home but it was a ring she couldn’t ignore. There was silence when Dana answered the phone but she knew the line was open. That bothered her because this was a secured cell phone and it wasn’t even suppose to ring unless someone had entered the proper code. She was about to hang up when she heard someone clearing their throat on the other end.

“Hello?” she said again.

“Dana….hi.” She recognized the voice on the other end. “It’s Jack.”

“Jack.” Dana was pleasantly surprised to hear it was Jack O’Neill. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the last time he had been in DC which was a little over three months ago. “How are you? Are you in town?”

“No,” Jack replied.” No, I’m not in DC. I’m just…I’m still…” Dana could hear him take a deep breath. “I was thinking about you and thought I’d call.” He paused for a moment and when he spoke again, his voice was low. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

Dana sat down on the sofa in her office at a momentary loss for words. She had met Jack O’Neill about 18 months ago in the lobby of a restaurant when both of their dates were late due to a rain storm. Because they moved at roughly the same level in governmental circles, they ran into each other occasionally at various receptions and functions those times Jack was in DC. After a couple of those encounters, Jack began to search her out when he came to town. He’d give her a call and they’d have dinner. To this point their interaction was strictly platonic although there was definitely a mutual attraction. From what Dana had learned about Jack, she knew he was not given to casual personal relationships which was good because neither was she. During the times they spent together he had not made a move to get any closer, to broaden their relationship. There was a mutually drawn line, they both respected it and it worked for them both. Now, for him to call just to hear her voice… something had defiantly changed.

“Jack, is everything ok?” Dana hesitated before she asked. “Are you all right?”

Jack didn’t answer right away and when he did, his voice was strained. “Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I’m fine,” he said, “Just a little tired that’s all.” He sighed. “I’ve had…I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.”

As much as she wanted to ask about what had happened, Dana knew she couldn’t. Jack was an Air Force Special Forces colonel with one of the highest possible security clearances, much higher than her own. Whatever was going on with him, he wouldn’t be able to tell her and she didn’t want to ask and make him have to lie.

“So how have you been?” he asked a little too brightly. “Adjusting well to walking in the circles of power?” He was referring to the new job she had recently moved into but Dana knew he didn’t want to know about that. He wanted to get past the unspoken questions.

“Well, there are days and there are days,” Dana said ruefully. “And then there are days.” Their conversations always started out this way. It was a private joke between them as they both worked in classified areas and they couldn’t always talk about their work. This time, neither one of them laughed at the joke. There was silence again on the phone.

“Well…I just wanted to call,” Jack said. He did sound very tired. No – more like weary, Dana thought to herself. “I just wanted to …call.”

“I’m glad you did,” Dana replied softly. “Call anytime….for any reason.”

“The next time I’m in DC…”

“Yes. Come soon…”

Silence again.

“I’ll give you a call.”

“Yes, please…and Jack,” Dana spoke quickly before he could hang up. “It's good to hear your voice.” She hoped he could hear everything she wasn’t saying behind the words that she was saying.

“Yes,” he said his voice full as hers. “It was good to hear yours, too.”

Even after the click of the line disconnecting, Dana sat in the gathering darkness with the phone in her hands. It was if she was trying to send what she was feeling through the disconnected line to this tired and troubled man. Something was wrong and she knew it. She also knew that there were times when the strongest ran out of strength and she could tell that Jack was approaching the end of his. Surprisingly enough, he had reached out to find that strength in her.

“Oh my God,” Dana whispered in the darkness. “Oh my God, my God.”

It had happened so quickly...it had happen so fast and she hadn’t been ready for it. Had it been there, underneath the surface all along? Had he known it – how had she not known it? There was so much to think about – so much to consider, but unfortunately there was little time with which to think.


	4. Broken

The call had lasted less than ten minutes and he had said about as many words. He had dialed her number while at the same time wondering why he was doing so. He couldn’t tell her anything about what had happened to him and without that, what could he say? When she answered her phone, he had almost hung up. The sound of her voice stayed his hand and Jack spoke from his heart without thinking.

“I just wanted to hear your voice,” he told her. Had he really said that out loud?

The pause on the other end should have caused him to panic but it didn’t. When Dana spoke again, she asked the one question that let Jack know that by calling her, he had made the right and the wrong decision.

“Jack, is everything ok? Are you alright?”

The question comforted him and troubled him. He was not ok and Dana knew it. How had that happened? How did she come to know him so well in the little time they had spent together? Without him saying another word, she heard what he was trying to hide from her and from himself. She knew that Jack was not ok and that he was alone.

He had purposely kept the relationship light with her, although he knew if he had wanted it to go farther, it in all probability could have. But he didn’t want it to go farther with Dana, not like that. Jack had had his fill of casual relationships and he knew this was a woman he would not be able to keep at arms length after he had shared her bed. So he respected the mutually drawn line between them and had been content to enjoy her company when he was in DC. The fact that he called her every time he was in DC and looked forward to going to DC because he could see her, he shrugged off and pushed to the back of his mind. No big deal. Nothing to get in a sweat about….that’s what he had told himself. So how did it happen that in one of the lowest moments in his life, when he wanted to reach out to someone, it was Dana Nelson that he reached for.

It took Jack a moment to speak again. “I’ve had a rough couple of weeks,” he said quietly. It was all he could get out past the lump in his throat. He suddenly wanted to pour out all of the hurt, pain and humiliation that he was afraid would never leave him. He wanted Dana to tell him he was going to be alright.

The ordeal he had gone through had left Jack emotionally open and raw. It wasn’t just the torture Ba’al had subjected him to, it was also the overwhelming impact of the feelings he had experienced from the blending with the Tok’ra symbiote. The Tok’ra had risked everything, gone against everything he believed in to save the woman he loved. Jack hadn’t felt like that in a long time. He had purposely worked on not feeling that way. Having felt what the Tok’ra had felt about Baal’s slave had exposed the deep loneliness Jack had pushed back into the secret places of his heart. He knew the loneliness was there but what he hadn't known was also there, was what he was now feeling for Dana now.

He tried to change the subject, ask about her job. Although she tried to joke about it, Jack could hear the weariness in Dana’s voice and was instantly sorry. The new project she had started a few months before, he knew, was a trying one. He was being selfish. He had no right to burden her with his pain. Even if he could tell her what was going on, he knew now that he shouldn’t.

It was time to end this.

“Well…I just wanted to call,” Jack had said. “I just wanted to …call.”

“I’m glad you did,” she had replied. “Call anytime….for any reason.”

The invitation was for more than either of them was saying but Jack knew he couldn’t accept what she was offering.

“I’ll call you next time I’m in DC,” he lied. He’d never call her again. As much as he wanted to, it was better for her for him to stay out of her life.

“Yes, please,” Dana spoke quickly before he could hang up. “…and Jack...it's good to hear your voice.”

He had wanted to hear the sound of Dana’s voice and what he heard in it, what she was offering, he knew he couldn’t have. He didn’t say goodbye because he couldn’t. The lump was back in his throat.

The call had ended. He sat with out moving. The sun went down and the moon did not come out. He searched the night sky like he had done many times before when he had been lost and looked to the stars for direction. But there were clouds tonight and the stars were hidden from him and Jack O’Neill sat in the dark and wept.


	5. Roadblock

Dana closed the cover of her personal cell phone with an irritated snap. Over the last few years since taking the job as a glorified project manager on the First Lady’s personal staff, she had learned to live in the world of high level politics and had even learned to enjoy some parts of it. The high art of road-blocking was not one of them. Politics had abounded in the non-profit world she had been recruited from, but she had a knack of finding her way around the more serious land mines. The things she had learned as a public policy consultant working with non profit organizations had been serving her well in DC circles, but the stonewalling she received today in trying to located Jack O’Neill had made her feel like a rank amateur.

In a town where there were no real secrets, where everyone knew everything about everybody, Dana could find out nothing about Colonel Jack O’Neill. She had been blocked at almost every turn and it struck her as strange for a person who worked with deep space radar telemetry to have that level of security surrounding them. Yeah, she knew it was a cover, but a cover for what? Just what exactly was he was involved in? For that level of secuirty, it certainly wasn't deep space radar telemetry.

She had tried to call him back on his cell phone number repeatedly but the most she could do was leave a message. She spent a restless night going over their brief conversation in her mind and the more she thought about it, the more she knew that Jack had reached out to her in the midst of a personal crisis. The line in the sand they had drawn by personal mutual consent had started to fade and in the early morning hours she began to let herself really think about him and the nature of their…what? What did they have? A relationship? A friendship? It seemed to Dana what was between them was less of the former and more of the latter. One thing she knew for sure was what ever they had between them, it had been changed by that phone call and she was determined to see it through to what ever end.

Laying aside her cell, Dana picked up the office phone on her desk and dialed a four digit extension. It was time to call in a few heavy duty favors.

“Is she in?” She asked the other person on the other end. “This is Dana Nelson, Special Assistant to First Lady Helen M. Santos -” It never hurt to trot out the official title when you wanted to put people off balance. “- Please let her know that I urgently need a few minutes of her time and I’m on my way over right now.”

Dana hung up as the person at the other end began to tell her that this would not be a good time. She had decided that she had already taken the last negative answer she was going to take regarding the subject of Jack O’Neill and his whereabouts. There was something going on here she didn’t understand and while that was a part of life in the levels she worked in, she didn’t always like it. People all around her had access to information that they couldn’t tell her and while she had accepted that before, she had had enough of it in this situation. As she moved determinedly out of her office and down the hall towards the section of the White House ominously referred to as ‘The Dark Side of the Moon’, Dana vowed to herself that before this day was over, somebody was going to damn well tell her something.


	6. Lost, Missing, Mislaid

Jack sat on the small pier outside of his cabin staring at the motionless pond. In his hand was the small cell phone the general had insisted he carry with him when he approved his leave. It was only the threat of being hauled back to the SGC by force that kept him from tossing it into the pond like he had done with …how many others? He had forgotten how many cell phones had been tossed in his pond over the last six years he had been with Stargate Command but the pile should be breaking the surface pretty soon. Jack smiled mirthlessly at the sure knowledge that Hammond didn’t care whether or not he actually turned the damn thing on, just that he kept it on him. It was a GPS tracking device in case he ‘wandered off’. It was a condition of being allowed to go away alone without any security forces or without any other member of SG-1.

“It’s like being under house arrest,” he muttered sullenly to himself. He shoved the phone back into his pocket. “As is that‘s gonna stop me from taking off if I really wanted to. I’m a goddamm Special Force Colonel. I know how to disappear.”

But where would he disappear to? The thought that there was no place on this earth he would rather be – hell, that he wanted to be at all, brought a lump to his throat that was not unexpected. He gazed sadly around the secluded clearing on this small lake that had always been his refuge. No place at all. Not even here.

He had run from the only other place that had been a refuge, the place he felt most at home, Stargate Command. Since he had found his way back from the horror that had been Baal’s torture chamber, he hadn’t wanted to be there either. He also hadn’t wanted to be around those that had become the closest to him – the other members of SG-1. Well, not all of SG-1. Daniel was still dead.

He didn’t want to think about that either. Jack turned away from the lake and stalked down the path that led past the cabin and into the woods. He didn’t have a specific destination in mind, he just kept walking. It was if he was trying to walk away from the emptiness that threatened to overwhelm him, to walk away from the sorrow he had been successful at keeping pressed down for so long. Successful until now.

The usual mental disciplines weren’t working. He had been trained by the military to operate through any physical pain and to a certain extent, through any emotional distress placed upon him by the rigors of war. It was that training which had enabled him to last as long as he did under Baal’s torture until the opportunity presented itself for escape. Although Jack had survived, the torture had taken its toll. Baal had almost broken him and that thought haunted and terrified him. It had terrified him so much that he had begged the ascended Daniel to help him die.

What terrified him even more was how quickly he turned towards the thought of death as a viable solution to a seemingly hopeless situation. It was starting to become a pattern with him. Of course, he’d never admit it to anyone. Outside of the initial series of psychological hoops he had to jump through in the first year of being with the SGC, he had never spoken of his desire for death when his son had killed himself. He had never told anyone that he wanted to die when he had come back from Abydos and found his wife had left him. After a while, the SCG doctors had been convinced that the sense of purpose he received with working with SG-1 gave him something to live for that replaced what his family had given him. How wrong they were. Nothing would replace the family he lost although working to build the SGC and leading SG-1 had made it bearable. Now even that was lost to him because he could not trust himself to be there.

Jack reached into his pocket, pulled the cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open to see what time it was. He hadn’t opened it once in the last two days. As it connected to the network, the message indicator flashed on. He ignored it. It would register at the SGC that he had opened the phone and Hammond would have them check to pinpoint his location. They would figure out he was still in the general vicinity of the cabin and was therefore alright. He just didn’t want to talk to them. Snapping the phone shut, he felt a small twinge of guilt. It was only because they cared about him that they checked on him. The problem was it was too painful to face their concern. He couldn’t bear the questions in their eyes. It reminded him of what had happened to him and he wanted to forget that.

Exhausted now, Jack stopped where he was and sat down heavily beneath a tree. He must have been walking for sometime because he noticed it was getting dark and he couldn’t immediately pinpoint where he was. He gave a dry chuckle. What a cliché. He was lost in the dark, both physically and emotionally. He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. The temperature was dropping as it did around this time of year when the sun went down and he could feel the cold begin to pull the warmth from him. He’d get up in a minute and head back to the cabin but for now, he welcome the breeze as it began to gently blow. It was like a soft cool hand brushing his hair back from his face. He savored the touch of it for a moment and then it was gone.

Getting wearily to his feet, Jack took his bearings by the stars that were beginning to show and turned back towards the cabin. Although there were wild animals in these woods, he had never been bothered by them and so decided that tonight he would lie out on the cabin’s back porch glider. The pads on it made it almost comfortable enough to sleep on, though he doubted that tonight would be any different than last night. He would be able to hear the soft lapping of the water from his pond and maybe that breeze would visit him again. If it got too cool, he’d light a fire in the small chiminea that stood in the corner to knock the chill off.

As he came out of the woods by the back of the cabin, he was taken aback to find that someone had done just that.

"Hello, Jack" she said.


	7. Turning Point

He hadn’t planned to kiss her. He hadn’t planned to touch her at all. But when Jack saw Dana standing there silhouetted against the firelight, he lost all sense of perspective or reason. He was moving towards her and before he knew it, she was in his arms. He held her tight against him, holding on for dear life as if he was a drowning man and she was his lifeline.

The scent of her skin, the warmth of her flesh and the feel of her soft breath against his ear began to settle him in a way nothing else had since his return. As Dana enclosed him in her arms, Jack could feel the knot in his stomach begin to release and the aching sense of being alone in the universe began to fade. Was this what he needed? To be held against another beating heart? Could it be that the one thing Jack O’Neill had needed to begin to heal was to be encircled in the arms of someone who loved him?

Jack buried his face in the curve of Dana’s neck and sighed. Did she love him? Did he love her? There was no denying that something profound was happening between them. Was it too soon, too new to call it love? Even as the questions swirled in his mind, the only answer his heart could give was he had called her and she had come. Jack wondered if she knew that by doing so, she saved his life. As sure as if he were drowning and she had pulled him from the depths, her coming had saved him.

“Thank God,” he whispered his lips brushing against the bare skin of her neck. “Thank God, you came.”

He felt rather than heard her reaction to his lips on her skin and the instantaneous response of her body pressing against his. He experienced only a fraction of a second’s wonder at this before the sound of her sudden intake of breath and the low full moan which escaped her brought forth a corresponding reaction in him. A type of desire he hadn’t even thought about since this all began flared to life and his mouth moved from her neck to capture her lips and he answered her moan with his own.

In the days that had followed his return to the SGC, he had gone through physical, mental and emotion evaluations to determine the state of his health and gage his readiness to return to duty. Due to the healing powers of the Tok’ra symbiote and the multiple periods in Baal’s sarcophagus any physical weaknesses due to injuries he had suffered over the years and the natural effects of aging were wiped away. His body had been regenerated and he was stronger than he had been in a long time. Almost before he could think of an action, his body completed it. But while his performances on the tests were up, he could feel something was different. There was a new awareness of the separation between his body, his mind and his emotions and it was disconcerting. He could feel his body but wasn’t quite sure it was his. It was as if there was a switch somewhere inside him that hadn’t been turned on. But now, with Dana in his arms it was as if this body that had been merely functioning had suddenly come alive again. It was all coming together again through her.

He had never kissed her before, not even on the cheek, their relationship having been kept carefully, deliberately platonic by mutual unspoken agreement. At first it was because he was involved with someone else and later, it was because it seemed to be the right thing to do. He had never held her in his arms and he had never had his hands on her as he did now. She didn’t resist him and the line of their making began melting away. Jack could tell that Dana wanted him as much as he wanted her and he ached to pull her down the soft grass beneath their feet and bury himself inside her. But although their kiss deepened and her hands over his body mirrored the movement of his on hers, he knew it was too soon.

It was all he could do to give up her lips but she smothered her own protests of their absence by hungrily recapturing his mouth with her own. He could feel her abandoning herself to his touch and to his kiss and his body became insistent that he bring the promise in their kiss to completion. But even as his body warred against what his mind knew had to be, Jack found the strength to once again pull his lips from hers.

“Dana… Dana, we can’t,” he whispered as her mouth found his again, refusing to hear him. He reluctantly broke the kiss again and found the strength to still the movement of his hands on her body as he whispered gruffly, “Dana…no. Baby…it’s too soon.”

A small shudder rippled through her and then she was still in his arms. Jack held her close to him as they both struggled to catch their breath. After a moment, she tried to move away from him but though he loosened his hold, he refused let her go.

“Dana, listen to me,” he pleaded. “There is nothing I want more at this moment than for the two of us to be together, but as much as I want that, I can’t let it happen. I want you, you know that, but we can’t. It’s too soon.”

This time when Dana tried to move away from him, Jack let her go. She turned away wrapping her own arms around herself as if she were cold and took a few steps away from him. She stood silently for a moment, her back to him then said quietly, “You’re right. It is too soon.”

Dana shook her head as if to clear it. “When you called me the other night, I had this feeling that you …needed me to come to you. It wasn’t what you said it was the tone of your voice. I felt as if you were….drawing me to you somehow. I didn’t understand it but I knew I had to find you.”

Jack walked over to where she stood and taking her by the hand, led Dana over to deck. He pulled her down to sit beside him on the glider in front of the fire.

“Dana,” he began halting. “If you were able to find me here then you have a fair idea of who and what I am.” He knew that while she didn’t know about the Stargate Program, she had to know now that he was involved with something highly classified.

Dana nodded, giving him a sad, tired smile. “So…not a whiz at deep space radar technology?”

“No, not so much.” Jack replied smiling back. “But I’m sure you knew that.” Dana nodded. “I wish I could tell you about what’s been going on with me these last few weeks, but it’s classified and it’s…complicated.” He sighed, the fatigue overtaking his soul again. “You don’t know what my life has been like. For a longest time I’ve been dying from the inside out. A few weeks ago, the only thing that kept me going was … taken away. I - it’s one of those things I can’t talk, but when it happened, it wounded me in such a way that I wanted to die. I just wanted to die. What you did by coming here was to let me know that it wasn’t time for me yet. Your being here gives me a reason to stay a little longer.”

Jack could see that Dana was struggling with what he was saying. “I could feel something was wrong, that you needed something.” She said hesitatingly. “But Jack, why me?” she asked. “Why did you call me? All we’ve ever been to each other…I mean we’ve never been … we’re only…”

“We’re just friends, is that what you’re trying to say?” Jack asked smiling slightly.

“Well, yes - and no,” Dana admitted. “That was what I was going to say, but…it’s changed hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has.” Jack slipped his finger under her chin to raise her face so he could look into her eyes. “Otherwise why would you be here?”

“Honestly Jack - I don’t understand this at all.” Dana sighed. “Not really. I mean until tonight, you’ve never touched me. We’ve never –“

“Not for lack of wanting to,” Jack interrupted her. “Maybe we didn’t want to admit it, but it was there. It’s always been there between us, hasn’t it?” Dana nodded yes. “If it hadn’t been, what almost happened tonight…wouldn’t have - not happened.”

Dana tried to smother a chuckle but didn’t succeed. “Excuse me?”

A mischievous twinkle appeared in Jack’s eyes. “You know what I mean” He slipped his arm around her shoulder and drew her close. It felt comfortable holding her like that and he ventured a soft kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes and gave a tired sigh as she settled in closer.

“There are things we need to talk about,” he said quietly. “About you and me. About what didn’t happen tonight…and why.”

She nodded against his shoulder. “I know,” Dana said quietly, “In these last two days, everything has changed for us. It’s all happened so quickly. I understand why you – didn’t want us to …why you couldn’t.”

“Oh, I could have,” Jack said quickly. “And I still can – which is making me very uncomfortable, by the way.” Dana stifled a laugh catching his meaning. “But there are some….things I need to see to first. Some…issues I have to resolve. More than anything, I wish I could talk to you about it all, but it’s….”

“Complicated. I know.” She nodded smiling sadly. “And highly classified.” She gave a dry chuckle. “Talk about almost getting shot. The Air Force doesn’t take kindly to anyone asking questions about you no matter what their position and clearance. You don’t want to know the things I had to go through to find you. Thank God for friends in high places.”

“Indeed,” he said, echoes of his friend Teal’c resonating in his response. “You don’t know the half of it.” Silence fell between them as they both contemplated what that could mean to both of them.

“Listen to me.” Getting to his feet, Jack pulled Dana up with him and stood holding her face in his hands. His voice was now very serious. “Two nights ago I was feeling…alone in the universe. More than anything else at that moment, you were the only person I wanted to be in that universe with me. No matter what happens between us in the future, I want you to remember one thing. You saved my life by coming here tonight.”

In the moonlight he saw her eyes fill with tears and questions. Questions she couldn’t ask. “I know I have no right to ask, but if this is going to work out for us, you’re going to have to trust me and it’s going to be hard. As much as you know about me, there is so much you don’t know about who I am, what I am and what I’ve done. Some of that, I glad you don’t know because I’ve not always been very proud of what I’ve had to do. But I’ve always tried to do the right thing and I promise you, I will do the right thing for the two of us, no matter what happens.”

Tears began to slip from Dana’s eyes as Jack pulled her back into his arms. She buried her face in his chest as she struggled to stem the flow of her tears. He could only imagine what she had gone through to get to him. She had come to him against all sense and reason. Now it was time for him to do the right thing for her sake and his.

“Promise me, you’ll never forget what I just told you,” he said as she raised a tear streaked face to him. “No matter what.”

“I promise,” she replied brushing the tears from her face. “No matter what.”

Jack steeled himself for her reaction to what he had to say next. “Now there’s something I need for you to do for me. Something very important, no questions asked.”

“Anything,” Dana said and meant it.

Jack nodded, took a deep breath and looked deep into Dana’s eyes.

“I need for you to leave here." he said. "I need for you to leave here right now.”


	8. Waiting

Connie Merchant stopped just outside in the darkened hallway gazing sadly in at her friend. Dana sat pouring over a stack of file folders, red pen in her hand, soft jazz playing in the background. She should be home – it was late - but every night since she came back from that mysterious three day absence, she had been pulling these record all-nighters. Connie sighed. From the kitchen window in the White House residence, you could see Dana’s office window. Having noticed that the lights in the office were on late more nights than not,the First Lady had sent Connie to find out why.

Connie already knew why. The “why” stood 6’2’, had warm brown eyes, silver grey hair and was drop-dead sexy in Air Force Blue. Jack O’Neill was what was wrong with Dana. Connie knew this because she was the one Dana had called to help her pull a few strings three weeks ago to help locate him at a cabin in the Minnesota woods. As member of the Secret Service detail for the First Lady and a former member of the Air Force herself, Connie had a fair bit of pull around DC and could find out things that others couldn’t.

Tapping slightly at the door, Connie stepped into the soft light of the office. Dana looked up and gave her a tired smile.

“Hey,” Connie said. “Working late, I see.”

“Don’t start with me, Connie,” Dana said tossing aside the red pen.

“What?” Connie asked innocently.

“I know what time it is.” Dana gestured towards the bookshelf. “I have a clock and a very pretty watch.”

“What makes you think –“

“Because I know you and you’ve got that ‘mother hen’ look on your face.”

“Mother hen?! What? Are you saying I look like a chicken?”

“Connie –!” Dana gave her friend an exasperated smile. “Who sent you? Helen?”

Connie sat down in the chair next to her friend’s desk. “She’s just worried about you, hon.” She reached out and gave Dana’s arm an affectionate squeeze. “As am I.”

“Don’t be,” Dana said softly patting her friend’s hand. “I’ll be ok.”

“Are you sure?” Connie asked. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

Dana gave a rueful chuckle as she picked up her red pen. “I’m sure I don’t want

to talk about it.”

It was the answer Connie expected. “Yeah. Well, I’m here if you ever want to.”

“I know that, Connie,” Dana said fondly. “You’re a good friend.”

“Correction. I’m a very good friend,” Connie said coming to her feet.

“Is that so?” Dana was amused. “What entitles you to ‘very good friend’ status?”

“Let’s take a count, shall we? How about arranging for you to go chasing off into the untamed north country after one of the most gorgeous flyboys in the Air Force (equally untamed) with no explanation –“

“Connie…” There was a warning in the tone of Dana’s voice.

“- and to let you come back after three days again with out a word of explanation –“

“Connie…” The warning was stronger.

“- no gossip, no juicy details, and no – “

“Connie! Dammit!” Dana began to laugh in spite of her irritation. “What am I going to have to do to get you out of here so I can get back to work?”

“I’ll go if you answer me one question.” Connie said.

“Depends on the question,” Dana answered warily.

Connie leaned across the desk to look deep into her friend’s eyes. “You know you risked everything by going up there.” she stated serious now. “Everything that it took you so long to finally win back.”

Dana knew her friend was talking about the situation that had give rise to her taking the job at the White House. She nodded. “I know.” she replied quietly. “I know.”

“Are you being careful?” Connie asked earnestly. “Is he worth it – worth the risk?”

Dana’s smile was sad. “No, sweetie, I’m not being careful,” she whispered. “And yes. Yes, he is worth it.”

The two friends gazed at each other while unspoken painful memories hung in the air between them.

“Dana…” Connie started.

“Ah- ah –ah.” Dana waggled a finger at her friend. She wanted to break the heavy mood in the room. “I answered your question. Actually, I answered two questions so you owe me.” She pointed at the door. “Out.”

Connie knew it was enough. “Ok,” she said softly. She could see Dana didn’t want to talk about what had been a painful time in her life. As she turned towards the door, she said, “Just do me a favor and don’t stay too late. The First Lady will have my head.”

Dana smiled. “Tell Helen, I’ll be gone inside of an hour. I promise.”

“Will do,” Connie said as she walked out the office and headed for the residence to lie to the First Lady and tell her that her friend was all right. Before she could get there, she saw the light in the office that could be seen from the residence kitchen window had been turned out.


	9. Wanting

Jack realized the situation had gotten out of hand when all night long he couldn’t take his eyes off of Dana’s mouth. Her lips were the color of warm red claret and more than once he wondered what it would be like to slip his tongue between them. Would she taste like the slightly sweet wine she had sipped throughout dinner, or like the rich strong coffee she lingered over with her dessert? He was trying to bring his thoughts back to the sense of time and place when she took the first spoonful of the warm dark mousse into her mouth and her eyes closed briefly in chocolate induced ecstasy. He could almost feel the surface tension of her lips against the spoon as if some part of her were unwilling to release it as she pulled it slowly from her mouth. Just as it slipped from her, the tip of her tongue slid out shyly to tease off the last bit of mousse along the edge of the spoon. Jack contemplated what it would feel like to have the tip of her tongue sliding along his...edges. He instantly regretted it. “Thank God for long tablecloths and large napkins,” he thought as he shifted in his seat suddenly very uncomfortable.

“More coffee, Colonel?”

Jack’s attention was brought back to reality by the First Lady’s query from the head of the table. He was annoyed and slightly embarrassed at himself for indulging in sexual daydreams while having dinner at the White House but it was his own fault. He had been fantasizing about Dana ever since that night at the cabin almost a month ago. He had held off taking her to bed even though they both wanted to and instead sent her away. He was still wounded and hurting from his capture with Ba’al and he didn’t want that part of their relationship to begin out of his emotional pain. He wanted to be whole when he came to her, spirit, soul and body.

“No thank you, ma’am,” he replied grateful for the distraction. “More than one cup at dinner keeps me up all night.”

“Matt’s the same way,” Helen Santos replied. “Any thing caffeinated after three in the afternoon and we have to tranquilize him to get him to sleep.”

“She does that anyway,” The President interjected. “By talking on and on and on about the latest drama of the day…” Matthew Santos captured his wife’s finger as she waggled it at him in loving exasperation and kissed it.

Jack smiled at the picture of domestic tranquility the Santos portrayed as they playfully squabbled with each other at this intimate gathering in the White House residence. They gathered around the simple meal the First Lady herself had prepared. He had been included in General Hammond’s invitation by the insistence of the President following a long, long day of treaties and negotiations regarding the Stargate Program.

“The least I can do is feed you,” Matt had joked as the meeting had ended. “Nothing fancy, a family dinner. It’s Friday…Helen is cooking.”

It was widely known that since moving into the White House, Helen Santos had insisted on designating Friday Nights as family night and she guarded the time jealously. Unless the country was under direct nuclear attack, no one interrupted the First Family during this time from the fear of an even greater attack from Mrs. Santos. To be asked to share the family table on one of these nights was high honor indeed because it meant you were considered to be a friend. General Hammond had been one of the few to receive a standing invitation to those Friday evenings after having met the young vibrant president in his first term. Matt Santos had recognized the general to be a person whose opinions he could trust and whose wisdom he could rely upon not only in matters relating to the Stargate but more terrestrial matters as well. Jack knew not all of the conversations that took place on the red phone in the General’s office related to the Stargate and that the President considered General Hammond a trusted advisor and friend.

Upon arriving up at the family residence, Jack was surprised to find a shoeless Dana with the First Lady in the kitchen. She had been playfully brandishing a wooden spoon at one of the giggling Santos children scolding them for stealing pieces of the baking chocolate which she was using to make the dessert. Her eyes already bright from laughing with the children lit up with pleasure when she caught sight of him in the company of the President and the General. She played the part, as he did, of the two of them being merely acquaintances and greeted him in a general manner with the same warmth that she greeted the other two men.

“Dana, help me out here,” the First Lady had turned pleading her friend to back her up in her argument.

“Not even if you paid me real money,” Dana replied dropping a broad wink at Jack across the table. “I learned long ago, not to get involved with your domestic disputes.”

One of the reasons Jack had readily, almost eagerly agreed to go along with come along with General Hammond to these treaty negotiations was in the hope of being able to spend some time alone with her. Their paths had crossed a number of times during the week, the first when she and Helen Santos encountered their group and the President coming out of the Oval Office. While the President and the First Lady slipped back into the office for a private word, Jack and Dana had only a moment to say a quick hello before being ushered off with the group by a senior aide. In a break between meetings he left a message on her cell saying he hoped they’d have a chance to get together before he headed home. The General was planning to stay over the weekend so Jack wouldn’t be expected back in Colorado Springs until late Monday evening. This gave him two and a half day free days in DC.

Her reply on his cell reflected her hope for the same and there was tension underneath the seeming bland phone message, a lot that was waiting to being said. There was a week of phone tag and brief encounters in passing with neither one of them had been able to carve out any time from their busy schedules. It had been Jack’s plan to call her as soon as the talks ended this afternoon to arrange to see her that night but an invitation to dinner by the Leader of the Free World was something you didn’t turn down, no matter how casual it was and especially when your CO was invited as well.

“Traitor,” The First Lady had shot back smiling fondly at her friend.

“Guilty!” Dana laughed as she downed the last of the wine in her glass. “And that’s my cue to bid you all a good night,” Her rising from the table was a gentle cue to the rest of them that it was time to leave the Santos couple to the rest of their evening. “That is if I can find my other shoe.” she said picking up the single high heel and looking around the floor. “Helen, I swear, your children…”

A quick search revealed the location of the lost footwear under the kitchen table and as General Hammond retrieved his overcoat and tendered his compliments and appreciation to their hosts, Jack followed Dana into the kitchen. As she sat down to slip on her shoe, Jack stopped at the door behind her, his imagination flaring to life again as her hand moved from securing her shoe up the back of her leg to smooth her stocking into place. Instead of her hand, he saw his, not smoothing the stocking on, but slowing pulling the stocking off. At that moment as he bit back a frustrated groan he was very glad his uniform jacket was cut on the long side.

Hearing Jack’s quick intake of breath Dana looked up to see him watching her from the door way. She held his gaze as he held out his hand to bring her to her feet. As they stood there for a moment and the warmth of her hand in his began to radiate through him, Jack wondered what type of prison sentence a person would receive for having wild hot sex with The Special Aide to the First Lady on the White House kitchen table.

“We should join the others,” she whispered at up him smiling.

“That would be a good idea,” he whispered back. “It would keep me from doing something I could end up being court-marshaled for.” It pleased him that Dana laughed even as she blushed.

Jack followed Dana into the other room where he joined the General at the door. Ever the southern gentleman General Hammond graciously offered Dana a ride as they were informed their car had arrived, but Dana declined as she had her own car waiting. After handshakes and goodbyes the three of them were escorted to the portico where there was only time for a meaningful glance as Dana was helped into her car and Jack climbed into the limo heading for the hotel.

*****

He arrived at her place still in uniform having stopped at the hotel only long enough to check his messages and pick up his car. There was a tray on the table with two wineglasses one already half full, with the imprint of her lips where she had drank from it. The fire light shone ruby red through the bottle of wine beside it which gave it almost the exact same color as her lips which had driven him to near distraction at dinner earlier.

“Would you like some wine?” Dana offered as Jack laid aside his overcoat and hat.

“Yes,” he replied and pulling Dana to him Jack did what he had been wanting to do all night. As Dana’s arms slipped around his neck, he pressed a kiss hard against her mouth, his tongue between her lips, discovering in her mouth the sweet taste of honey and wine.


	10. Honey and Wine

The parts always fit: it was the nature of their humanity. Part A was always going to fit part B no matter who parts A and B belonged to. The physical joining was a given, it happened just by virtue of the fact that he was a man and she was a woman. But there was something happening in this joining, something that couldn’t be explained away by biology, or physics or any other natural science. Him inside of her and her surrounding him – there was something profoundly spiritual in this act, something which he couldn’t explain. But even though he didn't have the words to describe it, Jack knew it when he felt it and he felt it with Dana.

Her body rose as he kissed her mouth, pressing up against him as he pressed deeper into her. She matched his rhythm, rising to accept him as he moved in to take possession of her, to inhabit her for a split second before she released him so he could begin the journey again. With each stroke pressing deeper inside her, Jack felt Dana opening to him more and more. Not her body – again biology dictated that there was a finite measure to that – but it was the essence of her soul that opened to him, accepting him, inviting him to dwell in her, to make his home in her. He had had this with Sarah, and he had thought he could have found it with Carter, but in the end, he had discovered the reality of what he sought in Dana; a safe haven...a sanctuary...rest. She would be that refuge Jack thought had been lost to him forever. He had had it before and he wanted again and he was not going to end this until she gave it to him.

He pressed into her again and again each time a whispered “Please…” in the darkness against her mouth letting her know he wanted something more than her yielding to him. Demanding yes, he knew, but more than anything he desperately wanted this from her. Her willing and compliant body was not enough. He was pleading for something else; he wanted her soul.

He buried his face in her neck with a groan and his hands tightened on her, letting her know that he was close to abandonment and completion. He knew she could tell he was holding back because he hadn’t gotten from her what he had wanted, what he needed. One last time he whispered, “Please…” and she could no longer deny him. She released everything he had begged of her with an agonized moan; her body, her soul. Everything.

He felt her surrender and gave into his own letting instinct and biology take them into a perfect rhythm. He could taste her tears in their kiss as he buried himself again and again inside her, bringing them both to ecstasy, rapture and bliss, knowing that finally after so long a search he had found in her a refuge that he would never lose again.

*  
“Are you...ok?” he asked.

He had whispered the question into her hair as their heartbeats slowed, their legs still entwined, still wrapped in each other’s arms. If the question startled her, she didn’t show it and lay silent beneath him, still holding him close. When she didn’t speak, Jack rose up one elbow looming over Dana in the dark. She reached up to pull him back to her without answering but he resisted, a knot in his stomach began to form.

“Dana…is everything ok?”

When she looked away as the silence between them grew and for Jack, suddenly all of the air went room. There was a buzzing in his ears as he rolled off of her that drowned out both her protests and her pleas. He was glad for it because he didn’t want to hear her. It was too late for explanations or excuses because he knew the truth. Everything was not ok.

Jack was thankful for years of getting dressed in the dark because he didn’t want to see Dana’s face or for her to see his. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he fastened his belt. He knew something had been wrong, he could tell.

He thought she wanted him, he could have sworn she did. After what happened at the cabin, the passionate phone conversations over the last few weeks… he thought this was the next step. But truth be told, he had shown up at her door in the middle of the night without a call, without giving her a chance to say no. And when she let him in, he hadn’t given her a chance then either. He had grabbed her and started kissing her and then …everything else was a blur. Everything except that last moan before ….before…

His hands were trembling as he pulled on his shirt, fumbling over the buttons. He heard the soft sound of the bed springs as Dana got up and he abandoned fastening his shirt to throw his tie around his neck. The sound of her bare feet on the carpet let him know she was coming towards him from the other side of the bed and part of him panicked at the thought of having to face her. He couldn’t. As cowardly as that was he knew he just couldn’t.

“Jack, stop.”

Dana blocked his way as he moved to go, fastening the belt of a thin robe around her. She stood in the center of his way, hair tousled, eyes earnest but firm in her resolve to not let him pass. He could have moved her, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. Not after what had just happened.

“Dana, please…” he begged and winced at the use of that word. “ I need to go.”

“No,” she replied softly yet firmly. “You need to stop and listen to me.”

He shook his head, having trouble speaking over the lump in his throat. “I can’t stay here.” He said. “I’m…sorry. God, I’m sorry.” He voice broke and he looked away struggling to control himself. “I thought …I thought you wanted…this. I thought…it was time …for us.”

“Jack,” Dana said the emotion in her voice matching his own. “It is time for us, I did want this.” She reached out to lay her hand against his chest and felt him trembling. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have said something, but I didn't know how. I was afraid to.”

*

Dana saw Jack’s eyes close and his shoulders slumped slightly. She knew he was taking this all the wrong way. He felt he had forced this phase of the realtionship before she was ready, or that she had submitted to him out of pity and he was so very wrong. Instead of being up front and honest with him, she had wounded him. He thought he had pushed her into this and he was never going to forgive himself for it.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Jack. It not about you,” Dana said earnestly. “It’s me.” She could have kicked herself for using that worn out cliché. The look in Jack’s eyes as he looked back at her showed her he hated it as much as she did. He went to move past her again but she grabbed the front of his open shirt to restrain him. She knew if he left that room he was never coming back.

“Listen to me, Jack please,” she begged him tears coming to her eyes. “I’m not of afraid of you, I’m afraid of ..of what all of this is. Or what it isn't.”

*

Jack heard the same sound in her voice he had heard in that moan and it stopped him. He turned all of his attention on Dana, and now she was the one trying to move away.

“What are you talking about?” he said taking her by the shoulders. “Afraid of what this isn't? What does that mean? Do you think I’m not serious about…all of this?”

He saw her eyes drop as her expression change from pleading to anguish. “Dana, do you think I’m not serious…about you?”

Though she shook her head no, Dana didn’t look up and Jack realized that he had hit the mark. Dana wasn’t afraid of him, she afraid that this was not going to last. That was why she had been holding back, not able to fully let go until he pushed her. She wasn’t sure of the depth of his feelings for her while she had put everything on the line. Before he had asked he for her trust; now he was asking for her heart and he had yet to make it clear that both be safe with him.

God, he was such an idiot, he groaned inside. Here he was feeling sorry for himself, when she also was hurting, afraid of losing, too.

“Dana, how can you not know how I feel about you?” he asked earnestly lifting her face to look at him. “What do you think just happened here between us?” There were questions in her eyes. “What do you think that was, just a mercy –“

The look in her eyes silenced him.

“Dana,” Jack said grabbing her again, pulling her up against him firmly. “Listen to me and never forget what I’m about to say. I do care about you. I care about you…deeply.”

Dana became still in his arms and she stood there searching his face, waiting. It was now she that wanted something more. Was it something that he had in him to give?

Jack took a deep breath weighing over what he was about to say. This was not going to be easy. Feelings were never easy for him to talk about, his or anybody else. But this had to be done, and it had to be the truth, otherwise he was going to lose Dana and he had already lost too much in his life.

“I think…” he hesitated. “I…think …” Damn! This wasn’t working. “I’m pretty sure…that …I … love you.”

Dana stood there silently looking up at him, studying him until Jack felt his face begin to grow warm. Dammit! He had said the wrong thing. Or he had said it in the wrong way. Either way, he had said it was the best way he could do…for now.

“You think…you love me?” she repeated never taking her eyes from his face. He could hear a bit of scorn creeping into her tone to mix with the hurt in her eyes. “You’re pretty sure?”

It didn’t sound good when she said it that way. “Yeah, “he answered clumsily. “I think that I…love you. I’m…pretty sure.”

After the longest moment in Jack’s life, Dana sighed deeply and finally relaxed in his arms. Then surprisingly, Jack heard her chuckle. “I suppose that’s as good as it gets, with you,huh?” Jack noticed greateful that she was amused.

Again Jack lifted Dana’s chin so he could look deep into her eyes. “It’s more than what anyone else has gotten in a long, long time.”

He hadn’t meant to put it quite like that but it was the truth. He could see in her eyes that she knew that it was.

As Dana’s arms slipped around his neck and Jack loosened the belt that held her robe and those few shirt buttons he had manage to fasten. Abandoning his shirt and throwing aside Dana’s robe, he leaned down to once again press a kiss hard against her mouth. As she drew him back onto the rumpled sheets, his tongue slipped between her lips finding in her mouth once again the taste of honey and wine.


	11. It's Early Yet

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong. Go back to sleep.”

 

“What time is it?”

 

“It’s early yet. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Your face is cold. So are your hands.”

 

“Shhh.”

 

“Have you been outside?”

 

“I went to get my bag from the car.”

 

“Your bag….oh, ok.”

 

“Is that ok?”

 

“Um-hmm.”

 

“I mean is it ok, that I stay here.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I didn’t want to assume -”

 

“Jack, it’s ok. I want you to stay. For as long as you want.”

 

“Can’t do that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Work, Tuesday morning.”

 

 _Sigh…_

 

“I know.”

 

 _Silence._

 

“We’ve got to talk about it.”

 

“No.”

 

“Dana…”

 

“No. It’s early yet. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Sun will be up in a minute.”

 

“Um-hmm. Go back to sleep.”

 

 _Silence._

 

“I’m not easy.”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“I’m not easy to be with.”

 

 _Silence._

 

“Dana?”

 

“I heard you…”

 

“It’s going to be hard, us being together. It’s going to be very hard.”

 

“I know.”

 

“We’re not going to get much time. To be together. We’re going to be so far apart…”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“We’ve got to talk about.”

 

“We don’t have to talk about it now. Please. Let’s go back to sleep.”

 

 _Silence._

 

 _Silence._

 

 _Silence._

 

“I love you.”

 

“You do? Are you sure now?”

 

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”

 

“No, not anytime too soon.”

 

 _giggle…_

 

 _chuckle…_

 

“I do love you. It’s just not easy for me to say it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it’s just hard for me to say it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“So if I don’t say it…don’t think that I don’t...”

 

“But you’ve said it.”

 

“I mean later. After I go back.”

 

 _Silence._

 

“Dana?”

 

“I’m asleep, Jack.”

 

“No, you’re not.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“I just want you to know-“

 

“I know. I know. Don’t worry…”

 

“You sure?”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

“Ok.”

 

 _Silence._

 

 _Silence._

 

 _Silence._

 

“Jack….”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Jack….”

 

“Shhh. I’m trying to sleep.”

 

“You’re trying something but that’s not slee-…”

 

 _Squeal!_

 

 _chuckle._

 

“Jack!”

 

“What?!”

 

“I thought you wanted to sleep.”

 

“I did, but I want to do this now.”

 

“No more sleeping?”

 

“Later.”

 

 _giggle…_

 

“What if I’m tired now?”

 

“You’ve got the whole day ahead of you to sleep.”

 

“I do, do I?”

 

“Yeah…it’s early yet.”

 

“Jack…”

 

“Shhhhh…c’mere…”


	12. Adaptation

The soft chimes of her front doorbell gently roused Dana from her sleep but the sound of the front door opening brought her to full consciousness. She sat straight up in the bed momentarily alarmed by the fact that someone other than herself had opened her front door and by the fact that she had absolutely no clothes on. It was the sound of a male voice in the other room saying, “Thanks. Keep the change” that brought her back to the full sense of the time and place.

Jack was here and had been here all night. How could she have forgotten that?

Running her fingers through her untidy hair Dana took a glance over at the bedside clock. One thirty in the afternoon?! That was way late for her, even on a Saturday. Even on vacation she never slept in like this. “I must have really been tired,” she thought to herself then remembering the reason why, she blushed. It was at that moment Jack appeared in the doorway and Dana instinctively pulled the sheet up to cover herself.

A raised eyebrow was the only indication Jack gave that her behavior was anything out of the ordinary although he did stay in the doorway. It was a silly school girlish gesture, Dana knew and after the last evening and the morning she and Jack had just shared, it wasn’t as if she had anything left to hide. But it had been a long time since she had been in an intimate relationship and there was still a need in her for a certain measure of modesty. After all, last night had been the first time for the two of them to be together.

Dana noticed Jack had dressed in black sweat pants and socks, a grey sweatshirt and appeared to have shaven. He must have been up for a while.

“I ordered pizza,” he said leaning casually against the doorjamb.” Hungry?”

The mouthwatering aroma had made its' way back to bedroom and causing Dana to realize she was indeed famished.

“Yes! Ravenous!” she answered emphatically. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, still holding onto the sheet. “Let me jump in the shower first and I’ll be right out.”

“While you’re doing that, I’ll just run up the street to the store,” Jack said. “You’re out of beer.”

“Beer?” Dana said frowning slightly. “Oh! I don’t…I don’t drink beer.”

Jack stood straight up from leaning on the doorway to stare at Dana in surprise. “You don’t drink beer?” Jack said enunciating each word as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.

“Um…no,” Dana shrugged almost embarrassed. “I never liked the taste of it.”

“You don’t like beer.” It was more of a statement than a question. Jack moved from the doorway to the side of the bed. “Well, what do you drink with your pizza?”

“Wine, sometimes,” Dana confessed. “Most times a soft drink.”

“A soft drink...with pizza. ” Jack shook his head chuckling. “You and Teal’c will get along just fine.”

“Teal’c?” Dana repeated puzzled.

“A co-worker who doesn’t drink alcohol,” Jack said, smoothly changing the subject. “Listen, I like beer with my pizza. Any objections to me…?”

“No, of course not,” Dana said quickly. “I just wasn’t expecting – I mean if I had known I would have …..” Her voice trailed off as Jack leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. Dana loved the way he smelled of aftershave and fresh soap and tasted of mint.

“Then I’ll be back in a minute,” he smiled and reaching out, gave a slight tug at the sheet. He chuckled as Dana instinctively held it tighter and then blushed furiously. Leaning down again he gave her another kiss and murmured, “It’s ok, I understand."

Dana sighed as she heard Jack’s car leaving the driveway. She was going to have to learn to do this all over again. Being in a relationship meant adjusting, adapting your ways, your life to the other person. Depending on the depth of that relationship it could be a slight adjustment such as making sure his favorite beer was on hand, or a major alteration in your behavior around them. “Like not covering up like a scared virgin when he walks into the room,” Dana thought to herself, mortified.

As she stepped under the hot stinging spray, Dana was glad to have a few minutes alone to think. “I understand,” Jack had told her. The fact that she didn’t have to explain it to him made her feel even closer to him. She was thankful to be in a relationship with such an accepting and understanding man. Although there were a number of things they were going to have to discuss regarding this relationship, this was not going to have to be one of them. She was sure he would give her all the time she needed to get used to having him in her life this way.

In proof of how willing she was to adapt to having him in her life Dana greeted Jack upon his return wrapped only in her damp towel. The beer grew warm and the pizza grew cold as she made clear to him how much she appreciated his willingness to be patience and understanding.


	13. Choices

When Jack had said to Dana, “This is going to take some getting used to” he was speaking to himself as well as to her. It had been a while since he had been involved with anyone who didn’t have at least a rudimentary knowledge of the Stargate Program. By getting involved with Dana, he had to get himself back into the mindset required with dealing with someone outside of the world he lived in. That meant facing some painful truths and making some hard choices

The first person he had been involved with after his marriage ended knew him from his Special Forces days, but had no knowledge of the Stargate Program. They had been “friends with benefits” as the kids called it nowadays, both of them having their own reasons for not wanting a deeper relationship. Jack had never felt the need to explain himself to her and she never felt the need to question him about his work. Their relationship was what it was and it satisfied them both until it mutually ended a little over a year later. After that, there was the occasional encounter with an instructor at the Air Force academy, but that died out of lack of opportunity when she had been transferred away from Colorado.

Then there had been those long months Jack had been stranded off world due to a meteor disaster that had buried the Stargate. He had become involved with the local woman who was in charge of the settlement that had survived although the relationship had only turned intimate only a day or so before he was rescued. He had been back to see her twice during the subsequent treaty negotiations and rebuilding efforts for her people but both of them knew it was a relationship that could not last. He had been alone for a long time after that, mourning over what could never be. After returning from torture at the hands of Ba’al he had gone through the same type of grieving process regarding his relationship with Samantha Carter.

Jack didn’t want to think about Carter as he sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the fireplace finishing off the pizza with Dana, but if he was going to honest with her in the talk they were about to have, he was going to have to be honest with himself. He had been weighing the situation in the abstract in the month since Dana had come to him at the cabin, but now that their relationship had been consummated, he had to deal with the reality of his working in a covert operation mean both to Dana and to himself.

Jack had never had to face this situation before as none of the other relationships he had been in had risen to this level. He hadn’t wanted them to and made sure going into them that all parties understood what the parameters of the relationship were. If they remained together, Dana was going to eventually meet Jack’s team even though she would never know what it was they did together. It was also a certainty that one day she was going to hear the rumors about him and Carter.

Although rumors were in actuality all that they were, those in the insular Stargate community had known of his and Carter’s strong feelings for each other. They had stopped trying to deny it long ago but made sure to emphasis to those who mattered that acknowledging those feelings were as far as they went. Following through was going to have to wait until the universe was a little safer for humanity. Jack had thought that no matter what happened he could wait it out until then. Falling ill and being blended with the Tok’ra showed him he was wrong.

In a way, Jack knew this point was going to come ever since he had escaped from Ba’al. During the long sleepless nights as he suffered through withdrawal symptoms from the repeated sarcophagus sessions Ba’al subjected him to, he thought about the nature of his life and his relationships and decided he needed to make some changes. In sorting out what the Tok’ra had felt for the slave woman he had been forced to rescue, Jack came to the conclusion he wanted to feel those feelings for himself and he didn’t want to have to wait forever to have what that meant. ‘Tomorrow is not promised’, his mother used to say and he now knew first hand that it was true. With Dana he had been given a chance to build a life here and now. He was not going to let this chance pass him by waiting for something that might never happen.

So Jack decided to let go of the dream of being with Carter to begin to build a new dream with Dana. It was the reason he had sent her away from the cabin a month ago and delayed their coming together until last night. For Dana to trust him in all that he couldn’t tell her about who and what he was, he had to be able to tell her that before he had taken this step with her, he had settled the question of his feelings for Carter once and for all. Theirs was going to have to be a level of trust that would be difficult for Dana to maintain once she heard the rumors and knew that Carter was always going to be at his side and guarding his back for as long as he was at the SGC. He needed to be truthful with himself so when the time came that Dana asked him about Carter he could tell her what she needed to hear. It was part and parcel of the conversation every soldier in Special Ops needed to have with their loved ones about living and working in the world of high security and secrecy.

As he leaned across to steal a kiss and the last piece of the pizza from Dana, Jack knew that in this, he had made not only the right choice but the only choice he could. He finished off the slice and after opening another bottle of beer, Jack reached for the wine bottle to fill Dana’s glass and said as gently as he could, “Dana, we need to talk.”


	14. Borrowed Time

Dana nearly jumped out of her skin at the knock at her closed office door. She had given firm instructions that she was not to be disturbed and as there was only one person her assistant would let slip past her, she quickly said, “Come.” She came to her feet as Helen Santos opened the door. Although Helen was her friend she was also the First Lady and as entitled to this show of respect. She had been out of town for the past week so it was the first time Dana had to seen her since she had gotten back the day before.

“Where’s your jacket?” Helen said breathlessly as she moved briskly into the office. “I’m about two steps ahead of the President.”

Dana reached for the jacket to her suit draped over the back of her chair. It was one thing to be casual in front of her friend The First Lady behind a closed door. If there was a possibility of the President even passing by, protocol demanded that she make a more formal presentation.

“Lipstick,” Helen whispered urgently moving over to Dana’s desk. “You need lipstick. Quickly, quickly…”

Dana frowned slightly at her friend’s urgency over lipstick. Something big must be up, she thought. She was further startled when Helen grabbed the styrofoam box containing the salad her assistant had just brought her for lunch off of her desk, tossed it in the wastebasket and kicked the wastebasket behind the desk. Dana was just about to ask the reason for her friend’s frantic behavior when she saw the first of the President’s security detail come around the corner which meant in about thirty seconds the President would be doing the same. Dana had barely enough time to grab her lipstick and run it lightly over her lips when the President appeared accompanied as he always was by a mixed group of security and staffers.

Just before Helen turned back to the doorway, she gave Dana a wide grin. “Never say that I didn’t do anything for you,” she whispered and turned back to her husband, President Matthew Santos who had just entered Dana’s office with an amused look on his face. Behind him, standing just outside the door in the midst the grey and black suits that followed the President everywhere, Dana caught sight of a tall silver haired commanding presence handsomely dressed in Air Force Blue.

Dana’s breath caught in her chest seeing Jack standing there smiling at her from the doorway and was glad she had her desk to lean against as her knees threaten to give way. She hadn’t seen him in almost eight weeks and as their eyes met over the shoulder of the President it was all she could do not to run to him and throw herself into his arms.

“Afternoon, Dana. How’s it going?” Matt Santos greeted her with a look which indicated he already knew.

“I’m fine, Mr. President, thank you.” she replied dragging her eyes away from Jack to return his smile.

“Yes, I’m sure you are,” the President quipped causing his wife to give him an affectionate frown for teasing her friend. “Look who I found wandering around the halls. Colonel O’Neill – you know Ms. Nelson.”

“I do indeed,” Jack replied warmly, as he stepped forward to stand beside the President. “It’s good to see you.” his voice dropping so that only the four of them inside the office could hear him.

The President pretended not to notice the warmth with which Jack said Dana's name and her answering blush. He glanced over at his wife who smiled warmly back at him.

“I’ve invited Dana to join us for lunch,” Helen said giving Dana a meaningful glance.

“Ah, yes.” The President did little to hide his lack of surprise. “Good. Lunch. That's...good.”

As one of his staffers stepped forward to give him a note, the President said, “Colonel, if you don’t have any other immediate plans, I’d be please if you’d join us as well."

“Thank you, Mr. President.” Jack acknowledged his eyes on Dana. “I’d like that very much.”

“Fine” The President gave his wife’s arm a gentle squeeze as he left the office. “I’ll be about twenty minutes. There’s something I need to tend to first but there’s no need for the three of you to wait for me.”

As the President and his group moved on down the hall, she turned to Dana and said quietly, “Fifteen minutes?” She smiled at Jack and didn’t wait for an acknowledgement as she left the office closing the door behind her. Before it had closed completely Jack was holding Dana tightly in his arms.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he said as their lips met in a deep, hungry kiss. Jack pressed her back against the side of her desk and Dana pressed back against him enjoying the feel of his body against her. “I hadn’t intended for it to be this long,” he murmured against her mouth. His hands slipped inside her jacket caressing her through the soft silk blouse making her body tremble under his touch.

“I know you didn’t,” Dana whispered. The almost two months they had been apart was the longest separation they had experienced since their relationship had begun in earnest a little over half a year ago. She had been so disappointed when Jack had cancelled a long planned weekend together a few weeks before. An “emergency situation” that he had to take care of had come up. She hadn’t asked him what type of emergencies developed in the field of deep space radar telemetry. They had talked about it. Both of them knew it was a cover for something else. “How long can you stay? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I found out this morning.” Jack said trailing a line of small kisses from behind her ear down along the curve of her neck. “It came up so fast and so much was going on that I didn’t want to call and then have to call back and say I wasn’t coming - again.” Kissing his way back up her neck he whispered as he kissed her ear. “We’re leaving the day after tomorrow, early.” Dana groaned in disappointment. “I’m sorry, I know it’s just borrowed time but that does give us two whole nights.” He lifted her chin to gaze deep into her eyes. “And before I leave, we’ll rework those plans we had for going up to the cabin, I promise.”

Dana nodded and kissed him on his neck just above the collar of his dress shirt, causing Jack to shudder and his hands to tremble ever so slightly. She breathed in deeply savoring his warm scent mixed with the clean smell of his aftershave and said, “Two nights together will be wonderful.”

Her intercom buzzed and Dana reached back behind her to press the button on her phone on the corner of the desk. Jack took advantage of her awkward positioning to move her to a semi-seated position on the desk, holding into her with one hand while the other moved determinedly down along the side of her hip. It was her assistant reminding her of the lunch appointment. Helen must have told the young woman to give her a head-ups just in case. This time it was Jack’s turn to groan in disappointment as he began to nuzzle her neck.

“On my way,” Dana replied releasing the button on the phone and grabbing quickly onto the side of the desk to steady herself as Jack continued to move her back into a semi-prone position across the desk.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no.” Dana protested smiling as Jack’s hand found its way under the bottom of her skirt. “We’ve got five minutes to get to the First Lady’s office.”

“Ok, five. Five is good.” Jack said as the hand moved higher under her skirt and his lips moved lower down the open neck of her blouse. “I can do five.”

Dana bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud as Jack looked up and gave her a meaningful wicked grin. “Oh God, I certainly hope not,” she said causing him to chuckle.

“Oh yeah, five,” he said confidently. “Maybe even four now.”

Dana couldn’t help but laughed as Jack kissed her again and helped her back up to a standing position. Reaching up she gently smoothed the lapel of his jacket thinking how much she loved him, how very handsome he was in his uniform, and how proud she was going to be walking down the hall next to him. Jack captured her hand and placed a gentle lingering kiss on her palm as a promise of things to come.

“Tonight then?” Jack whispered as he leaned over, kissing her behind the ear one last time.

Dana nodded as a delicious tremor ran though through her and she moved reluctantly out of his arms with a smile.

“Yes,” she said as she led him to the door. “Tonight.”


	15. Threat

It was the first time she had seen him with a gun in his hand and that cold dark look in his eyes. She was startled at how quickly both had appeared and for a confused moment mystified as to why. They had been taking a leisurely walk towards Jack’s car in the restaurant’s parking lot when from behind them came a low rumbling voice.

“Good Evening Colonel O’Neill.”

For only an instant Dana thought she saw a flicker of fear in Jack’s eyes but it was gone as he spun around pulling a gun from who knows where with one hand and pushing her behind him with the other. All that remained in his eyes was a razor sharp focused glare of murderous dark steel that shook her to her soul. She had never seen this Jack before. This was the soldier, the Air Force Special Forces Colonel, a man she had never met before. It all happened so fast that at first she didn’t have a chance to figure out why she was frightened. It didn’t take long, however, for Dana to realize that something very dangerous was happening in front of her.

The parking lot they were standing in was well lit and she could see a man standing before them who was well-dressed and in truth, quite handsome in a dark sort of way. He was alone and seemingly unarmed but there was something about him that while outwardly charming, was very threatening. He flashed a brilliant smile at Jack and seemed quite unfazed by the fact that he was pointing a very big gun level at his head.

“Is that any way to greet an old friend?” he intoned in a rich deep voice. There was a slight accent which Dana couldn’t place with a hollow rumbling undertone that sent a shiver down her spine for all the wrong reasons. “You’re looking so much better than you did the last time we were together.”

The other man continued to grin at Jack as if mocking him, daring him to shoot him. There was definitely a presence about him, an almost a regal bearing but there was also something in his manner that was menacing. This man was definitely a threat of some kind and from Jack’s instantly fierce reaction to him, a very dangerous one.

Jack hadn’t say a word, hadn’t made a move but kept the gun leveled directly at the other man’s head. His breathing was slow and steady and while his concentration was razor sharp on the man in front of him, he kept a tight grip on Dana’s hand as she stood behind him. It was an eerie kind of stand off that felt like it was going to go on forever with Jack holding the gun and the other man grinning at him. Just as Dana thought they were going to be standing there forever, the other man shifted his attention from Jack and leveled that glittering piercing gaze and brilliant grin on her.

“And who might you be?” he asked seductively.

Jack’s reaction was quick and unmistakable. Without moving a muscle, or shifting his gaze, he cocked the gun and uttered one cold, deadly word.

“Don’t.”

A look of triumph flared in the other man’s eyes as if he had gotten the reaction from Jack he had wanted. The grin widened and with a slight bow of his head towards Dana and a wink at Jack, he turned and walked leisurely away.

Jack continued to hold the cocked gun in the man’s direction long after he had disappeared into the restaurant they had just exited. It was only after Dana gave his hand a gentle squeeze that Jack slowly lowered the gun, releasing the hammer. It was then that Dana felt him tremble slightly and heard him take a deep ragged breath. With the gun still in his hand, he slipped the other arm around her to pull her even closer to him.

“Let’s go home.” he said his voice low, his gaze still on the direction of where the man disappeared.

There was no explanation as Jack led her to the car and Dana knew there was never going to be anything said about what had just happened. He was leaving in the morning to back to Colorado and that part of his life that she couldn't share. She would have to find a way on her own to deal with the lingering fear of a threat in the darkness and the memory of the cold hard presence of Jack’s gun on the seat between them.


	16. Discovery

Although he had previously refused O’Neill’s invitation to join him up at the lake, when the long holiday weekend rolled around and Teal’c was faced with spending it in the nearly deserted SGC, he changed his mind and made arrangements to follow him up. He arrived to find the cabin empty even though O’Neill’s truck was parked off to the side. Assured that he was indeed at the cabin, Teal’c released his driver with a wave and went to search for O’Neill in the woods. It had been during one of his first visits there, that Teal’c had helped O'Neill to rig a large hammock between two large trees in a clearing nearby. If he wasn't on the dock, he would surely be there.

O’Neill did not moved nor flinched when his Jaffa friend walked unexpectedly into the small natural clearing and found him stretched out lazily in the hammock. Teal’c’s face did not often register surprised or embarrassment but both were there as he met O’Neill’s gaze over the head of the woman sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Distressed, Teal’c respectfully bowed his apology for interrupting a clearly intimate moment and turned to leave when he was stopped by a motion from the hammock. Turning slightly back Teal’c saw O’Neill give him the military hand sign to ‘stay’ careful to not rouse the sleeping woman. Teal’c hesitated for a moment but O’Neill indicated again that he wanted Teal’c to stay. Giving a nod that he understood, Teal’c turned and disappeared back through the trees.

Night was just settling when O’Neill arrived back at the cabin where Teal’c was waiting patiently on the deck. The silence should have been awkward as O’Neill sat down beside him but it wasn’t. They had been through too much together, had faced death too many times, their own and each other’s to let anything drive a wedge between them. Behind them in the cabin, the lights began to glow softly in the windows and Teal’c assumed O’Neill’s friend had gone inside.

“I would like to apologize, O’Neill,” Teal’c began but his friend cut him off.

“There nothing to apologize for,” he said firmly. “I gave you an open invitation and it still stands. Where ever I am you are always welcomed.”

Teal’c bowed his head in acknowledgement. “Thank you. But still I should leave. You clearly have made other plans.” He began to get to his feet.

“Teal’c, will you please sit down?” O’Neill’s voice came softly out of the darkness. “I know I don’t have to explain, but I want you to understand.”

Teal’c hesitated only a moment and then sat back down next to his friend.

“It was a little over a year ago when I met first met her at a restaurant in DC. I was going to have dinner with...well, with an old friend who was held up in bad traffic - it was raining that night. I had overheard that the person she was meeting was also held up, so I introduced myself and invited her to have a drink with me while we were both waiting." O’Neill paused, a slight smile touching his eyes. "Even after only being with her a short time, I was attracted to her. I can remember being annoyed when the person she was meeting showed up. I didn't know then that it was actually a job interview. To make a long story short, we would run into each other occasionally when I would be in DC and we became...friends. Good friends but just friends. It could have developed into more, but with her in DC and me in Colorado...and then there was Carter."

He shook his head and although O’Neill didn't elaborate, Teal'c understood.

"We went on,” O’Neill continued, “Seeing each other occasionally, talking on the phone occasionally sometimes months going by without any contact. Then I was captured by Ba'al.” Teal’c nodded silently, remembering. “It was hard for me when I escaped and found my way back. I had to get away from it, Teal’c. Away from everything and everybody that had any attachment to the SCG. I was tired and I had finally reached the end of my strength. I used the last of it to get up here.” O’Neill’s voice trailed off and through the darkness, Teal’c heard a remembered weariness in his friend's voice.

“I was mentally empty, emotionally drained and I was afraid that if I had to take one more trip through the Stargate again, I wouldn’t be able to do it. My life was over and I knew it. It was over for me. I wanted to die.”

For the first time O’Neill turned to look directly at Teal’c. "But I didn't die and it was because she wouldn't let me. She heard something in my voice from a silly little 5 minute phone call I barely remember making. She risked a lot to be with me and by doing so, she saved my life.”

Teal’c held O’Neill’s gaze for a long time then nodding came to his feet. “I am glad that she did so,” he said warmly. “We are in her debt.” He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and began to dial a number.

“What are you doing?” O’Neill asked him.

“I am calling the officer who drove me up here,” Teal’c told him. “I will interrupt your holiday no longer.”

“What – you’re gonna leave?” O’Neill said coming quickly to his feet. “After coming all of this way? Don’t you want to stay and …you know, meet her?”

Teal’c frowned. “Would that be wise?” he asked. “How could you explain my presence? Does she have knowledge of the Stargate?”

O’Neill shrugged. “Well - no, she doesn’t, but…you're married. You know women. How can I explain how I sat out here talking with someone for the last thirty minutes and I didn’t introduce her to?”

Teal’c answered with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile. “I understand,” he said dryly and closed the phone.

“Listen, just…keep your hat on – literally,” O’Neill said. “We’ll just go with the standard cover story. You’re a graduate student helping Daniel with an archeological research project. She won’t believe it, but at least we’ll get to practice it. In any case she works with the government – she’s used to bogus cover stories.” He turned and began to walk towards the cabin.

“I cannot stay here all weekend, O’Neill,” Teal’c said following him. “The cabin is not large and it would be…..awkward.”

O’Neill stopped, thought for a moment and then said, “Yeah…maybe, but….you could stay for dinner at least. Besides…” He paused as he looked over at the glowing lights of the cabin windows. “There’s so much about my life I can’t share with her. I would like to at least be able to introduce her to one of my very best friends. And….I would like one of my very best friends to meet her.”

Teal’c felt a rush of warmth at O’Neill’s acknowledgement of their friendship. He knew they shared a close bond from the beginning but like most men, they had never spoken of it. He also began to understand the importance of this woman to O’Neill. He knew there had been others in his friend’s life, but this was the first O’Neill had wanted one of his team to spend time with.

Teal’c bowed deeply.

“I would be honored to meet this woman, O’Neill,” he said.

“Excellent!” O’Neill smiled broadly at his friend as he led the way towards the cabin. “You know, you could stay the night. There is only one bedroom but you knew you were getting the couch anyway…right?”


	17. Confirmation

“So, we’re done,” the colonel said closing the manila file folder in front of him and throwing it on a large stack with a flourish. He smiled up at his second in command as she came to her feet, their bi-weekly briefing ended. “I have signed every cursed piece of paper created by man and I am done, done, done – until next time.”

“Yes sir,” Sam agreed smiling back at her CO. “When it comes to governmental paperwork, there will always be a next time.”

He grabbed a blue folder off of the small stack of mission reports and grimaced.

“God, don’t I know it,” he muttered. “But that should take care of my end of things for the time being. You’ll be able to hold the fort on everything else ‘til I get back.”

“Back, sir?” Sam stopped at the door on her way out of the colonel’s office, her hand frozen on the knob.

“Yeah,” the colonel said without looking up. “Starting Friday, I’ll be off base for the next few days.”

So that was the reason for the schedule change for next week. The colonel was going to be away. It hadn’t escaped Sam’s notice he had been off-site more in the last couple of months more than he had been all last year. Mostly he had been accompanying General Hammond to his monthly meetings with the joint chiefs in DC. She guessed it was only natural; after all he was second in command of the SGC. He still fussed about going grouchily as a matter of habit, but recently he seemed to look forward to going.

“Business or pleasure?” she asked a little too lightly. She was rewarded with a level gaze and a questioning eyebrow. “I just meant…I didn’t see where General Hammond was scheduled to go back to Washington, sir.”

“He isn’t. I’m taking a few days,” he said evenly. “I have a backload of vacation that I need to either use or lose.”

“Oh. Vacation. That’s…that’s good.”

Leave it alone Sam, she warned herself but there was something in the back of her mind that wouldn’t let it go. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something in the way he said it.

“Headed anywhere special, sir?” she asked.

The gaze held steady for another moment then moved back to the folder on his desk.

“I’m going to the cabin.” He said and was silent.

The cabin in Minnesota - yeah, that was good. Sam felt an unexpected wave of relief. At least he wasn’t headed back to Washington. Sam had been hearing some scuttlebutt about him and a woman from her friends in DC. Some political operative or something. But there was always some scuttlebutt concerning him and women. Hardly any of it was ever true.

“I hear the woods up there are beautiful this time of year.” Sam waited for the inevitable invitation.

“Yeah, they are.” The colonel said not looking up. Sam’s internal warning system clicked on.

“Teal’c said he had a really great time when he went up last month.” She prodded gently giving him another opening.

“Did he?” The colonel seemed amused. “A really great time?”

“You know Teal’c - how he tends to exaggerate.”

“Yeah, he’s a regular chatterbox.”

There was silence again and no reason for her to keep standing in his doorway and yet…

“Anything else I can do for you, Major?”

Uh-oh. When the colonel took to calling her by her rank Sam knew it meant she was hovering near the edge of that last nerve he always talked about.

“Uh- no…Sir.” she said quickly but as she turned to go, something inside her was beginning to panic. She had to give it one last shot, give him one last opportunity to ask her to go with him. “I was just thinking about taking some time off myself…”

He was looking at her now, his eyes dark, warm and deep, holding the many unspoken things that had grown between them through the years.

“Sam…”

His voice had taken on a different tone and it sent a tremor of desire racing through her. “Ask me.” She prayed inside. “Please – ask me.”

“Sam…” he said again, softer this time. His voice pulled her towards him almost against her will. She knew he could see the supplication in her eyes.

The colonel gently laid the pencil he was holding down and stood up, coming around the desk to face her. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and every breath she took was full of him.

“Ask me,” she whispered out loud this time, her voice was so low she didn’t know if he could hear her. He was so close she could feel the heat coming off of his body. If he touched her now…

Please let him touch me now…

Her prayer was answered as this man she loved for so long, reached out and pulled her into his arms. She could feel the hardness of his body through his uniform as he held her tight against him and his warm, soft breath on her cheek. In that one blissful moment Sam had everything she wanted, everything she had dreamed of, everything she had ever hoped for. His hand smoothed back her hair as he cradled her in his arms and she knew what would happen next.

She lifted her mouth to accept his kiss, and in sweet anticipation, her eyes closed….

His lips were firm and warm, as she always knew they would be, but they were pressing against her cheek, not her lips. The whisper in her ear that followed was as intimate as any she had imagined during many aching, sleepless nights but the words were not the ones of her fantasies.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he whispered his voice full of regret. “I’m so very, very sorry…”

He continued to hold her as realization sank in and her world came crashing down around her. As Sam opened her eyes, his face was so close to hers that she could see her reflection in his eyes. She stared at herself there watching her emotions play out on her face; longing, desire, and shame. “Oh god,” she whispered forcing herself from his arms. “Oh my god…there’s someone else…”

He didn’t say yes but it was there in his eyes. The regret she had heard in his voice when he said her name was confirmation.

“Sam…” he said again and this time she heard sympathy in his voice. It was that sympathy that sent her stumbling from the room.


	18. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have read this series before, there was another chapter before this titled, "Heartbroken". It dealt with the aftermath of the previous chapter for Sam and honestly was my least favorite of the series. With the exception of an ...interesting reference as to the relationship between the recently resurrected Daniel Jackson and Dr. Janet Fraiser, I decided to let it go. If you hadn't read it before, you really won't miss it but I didn't want to confuse those who had.

General Hammond looked up to see Jack O’Neill standing in his doorway with a stack of file folders in his grasp. The unusual sight made the general smile. Jack avoided paperwork like the plague but had recently started taking on some of General’s extra work with surprisingly little complaint. It seemed that his faith in making this man his second in command was finally becoming justified.

“Put them down over there,” he waved his hand indicating the credenza already stacked with folders. He sat back from his own stack of file folders to give his 2IC a grateful nod.

“I appreciate you taking care of that for me, Jack.” He said. “It seems every year we get more and more paperwork to fill out. We’re supposed to be a top secret operation. If we’re so secret I wonder how they find us to send us all of this.”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Jack smiled ruefully.

The general chucked. “Then I guess we’re in trouble because I haven’t got a clue.”

“Yes, sir.” Jack’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I guess we are.”

The smile faded slowly from General Hammond face as he leveled a focused gaze on the man in front of him. Jack stood as he usually did with his hands in his pockets in a laid-back stance, but Hammond could see that he was anything but relaxed.

“I need to talk to you, sir,” his second said quietly. “Something’s happened.”

“Alright, son.” Hammond dreaded asking but there was no getting around it. “What’s it about?”

Jack didn’t flinch from the general’s stare. “It’s about me and Major Carter, sir.” He said simply.

Shit.

Hammond tossed his pen down in disgust, his short-lived good mood gone. Samantha Carter was not only a soldier under his command and an irreplaceable resource, she was the daughter of one of his closest friends. He’d bet cash money that he could guess what was coming. If it was what he thought it was, he’d kick Jack O’Neill’s ass himself.

“Close the door, Colonel.” His tone was hard and clipped.

“Yes, sir.” Jack closed the door and turned back to the General and stood with his hands behind his back at casual parade rest. Jack could tell Hammond was pissed. He knew what he about to tell him was going to piss him off even more.

“Have a seat.”

“This won’t take long, sir, so I prefer to stand.” he said quietly.

“Do NOT fuck with me tonight, Colonel.” Hammond snapped angrily. “Put your ass in that chair and tell me what the hell’s going on.”

It wasn’t often Hammond gave with the language so Jack did as he was told and sat. Now that he was face to face with the General he realized this was going to be harder than he thought. It was a risky move, career wise but he knew but he couldn’t go away from the SGC without giving him a heads up on what had happened, no matter the consequences.

“I had a talk with her tonight,” Jack began. “Well… it was sort of a talk.”

“Do I want to know what this talk was about, Colonel?”

Jack looked the general squarely in the eye. “You already know what the talk was about, General.”

Suddenly Hammond felt very tired. He had known about the feelings between Jack and Sam for a long time. Hell, anyone with an ounce of discernment could pick up on it if they spent any extended time in the presence of SG-1. He had done his best to give them administrative cover because they hadn’t crossed the line or given him anything actionable to deal with. They were part of his flagship team, the best of the best. He hadn’t wanted to break them up and told himself they could handle it.

Hammond sat forward, his hands on the desk in front of him and sighed. Jack watched as the persona of the no-nonsense general dropped away and his mentor and friend came to the fore.

“Just…tell me what happened.” Hammond said wearily.

Jack shook his head. It was almost harder to talk to the general like this because in the man’s eyes he could see that he had disappointed him once again.

“I told her…I had to tell her that…there’s someone else in my life.” Jack said haltingly. “And that there will never be anything between us.”

Hammond was relieved. He had expected something much, much worse – at least worse according to the Air Force regs. “I’m guessing then, she didn’t take it well,” he said sympathetically. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“No, sir, not well at all,” Jack said sadly. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt Sam, you know that. But I did. I hurt her badly. I thought you should know in case anything came up.”

“I appreciate that, son.” Hammond sat looking with compassion on the bowed head of his friend. “I know it seems bad now Jack, but she’s young and she’s strong.” He said quietly. “Given some time and some distance, a broken heart will -”

Jack’s head came up. “Distance, sir?” It seemed that what he and Carter both feared if they had acknowledged their feelings might be coming to pass. “You’re not going to split up the team, sir, are you?”

Hammond shook his head slowly. “Not permanently,” he said. “But I am going to keep SG-1 on stand-down for a while.”

“General…” Jack started to plead but Hammond cut him off.

“I have no choice Jack,” he explained gently. “I can’t send you and Carter out there with this hanging between you. You know yourself how it will put your team in danger. I made that mistake once already. I’m not going to make it twice.”

Jack nodded a sinking feeling settling the pit of his stomach. “I understand, sir.” he said.

“There’ll be no official record of this,” Hammond continued. “Nothing will be put down on paper. I’ll make sure that the two of you have some time apart to pull it together. I’m sure Teal’c and Dr. Jackson will be able to find something to do with the extra time.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you sir.” Jack took a deep breath and swallowed down his own disappointment. “I’m sorry I let it get to this, sir.”

Hammond shook his head. “We can’t help whom we fall in love with, Colonel,” he said tiredly, “No matter what the regs tell us. I shoulder a lot of this blame myself.” He held up a hand against Jack’s protest. “I’m your commanding officer. I knew what was going on and turned a blind eye to it. The buck ultimately stops at this desk.”

The two men sat in sorrowful silence for a moment each lost in his own thoughts.

“Where’s Major Carter now?” the general asked.

“I don’t know for sure, sir, but I suspect she’s left the base. She was very upset when she left my office.”

Hammond nodded. “You’re scheduled to take sometime off at the end of the week, is that correct?”

“Yes sir. I’m going up to the cabin.”

“Well, you’re getting a few extra days,” Hammond said. “Beginning immediately, SG-1 is on stand down until further notice. I want you to leave out tonight.” He raised a hand again to still Jack’s protest. “No arguments on this, Jack. I’ll inform the rest of the team. Short of the goa’uld invading Earth, I don’t want to see you back in this facility until a week from Monday. Are we clear?”

Jack nodded his head solemnly. “Crystal.”

“I also do not want you to have contact with Major Carter in any way, until I designate the time for you to do so. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir. I understand.”

“Very well, colonel. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes sir.” Jack came to his feet and moved toward the door.

“Just a minute, Colonel.” Jack stopped and turned back to the general. “I need two additional pieces of information from you.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Off the record…Major Carter … did you sleep with her?” It was a deeply personal question, Hammond knew, but he needed to know how far the relationship had gone if he was going to run damage control.

Jack swallowed hard but answered. “No sir, I didn’t.” he replied. “And your other question?”

“This other person in your life – is she a member of this command or connected to it in any way?”

Jack couldn’t answer past the lump in his throat. He just shook his head no.

“Alright then.” Hammond said. “Go home, son. I’ll handle this.”

“Yes sir. Thank you, sir.” Jack’s voice was hardly above a whisper as he left the office.

Hammond watched Jack walk away through the office window, his shoulders slumped, his expression grim. His heart went out to the man but there was nothing else that could be done. This was a helluva mess, no doubt about it and it was going to take some time to clean it. Jack and Sam needed distance both physically and emotionally to achieve some detachment on the situation. Until he was sure they had achieved it, SG-1 wasn’t going anywhere.


	19. Yet Again

She was sitting on the edge of the pier, shoulders slumped, head bowed, her legs dangled over the edge just above the water. Jack came up and sat down behind Dana with his legs on either side of her and pulled her into his arms. He slid his hands along her arms until he reached her fingers which were clasped under the edge of her sweater shielded against the cold gusts coming off of the lake. Her eyes were closed as she leaned back against him. He nuzzled her neck and whispered, “Forgive me.”

Dana started to cry and Jack held her knowing there was nothing else he could say. The only sounds she made were the ragged breaths she drew in as her body shook from weeping. He held her and rocked her and hated himself. It was the second time this week that he had made a woman cry.

He had been brooding over the confrontation with Carter, the confession to Hammond, the knowledge that he may well have broken up his team. It was killing him inside and he couldn’t tell her anything about it. So he did what he always did in times of personal crisis – he shut down and shut everyone around him out.

But Dana didn’t know that about him and so she thought it was about her. Jack realized that when he saw her sitting hunched over on the pier. It was too cold for her to sit out there for any length of time, but she had been there for over an hour. It was his silence and aloofness of the last two days that had driven her from the cabin.

“Come back inside,” he said as her tears subsided.

“In a minute,” she said wiping her face with a shaky hand. “You go ahead.”

Jack tightened his arms around her. He had already left her alone too long. He wasn’t going to do it again.

“No,” he said. “Not without you.”

“Please,” she said. “I’ll just be a moment.”

“No,” Jack repeated firmly. “I’m not leaving you out here in the cold. Not now, not ever again.”

Dana shook her head, tears starting to roll slowly down her face again.

“I don’t know, Jack.” she said sadly. “I just don’t know…”

“What don’t you know?” he asked almost afraid of her answer.

“I don’t know what…you want me to do,” she said, breaking down again. “I understand you not being able to talk about your work, I do. But you say it’s about work and you act as if it was about me and I don’t know what it was that I did wrong.”

Jack sighed miserably and laid his head against Dana’s tearstained cheek. Why did he always make the same mistake when it came to the people he loved? When Charlie had died, he had done the same thing with Sarah. He hated himself so much that he didn’t realize that when he punished himself by closing off his emotions but he was punishing Sarah too. He had lost her by doing that and if he didn’t change, he was going to lose Dana the same way.

“What you did wrong was to fall in love with a stupid sonofabitch like me,” Jack told her remorsefully. “I took out my frustrations and anger with myself on you and I shouldn’t have. Please come inside and give me a chance to show you that I can learn from my mistakes.”

Dana didn’t answer, just sat with her eyes closed, tears trailing down her face.

“C’mon baby,” he said. “It’s getting cold. Let’s go back inside.”

Jack stood up and Dana let him pull her up with him. Taking her face in his hands, he gently kissed her on both cheeks.

“I’ll do better,” he promised solemnly. “I promise I won’t do this to you again.”

Nodding silently, Dana dried her face with her hands and holding her close, Jack led her back to the warmth of the cabin.


	20. Taken

Jack was in the elevator headed home when the urgent page came for him to return to the SGC. For a moment he was tempted to ignore it (it would have been the first time) and let the elevator continue to take him to the surface. He was dead tired. SG-1 had gotten back a few hours ago from a difficult mission and he had spent the whole day debriefing and writing up his mission report. He wanted to go home, take a hot shower, grab a cold beer and fall asleep listening to Dana whispering seductively in his ear.

That is if he could get Dana in the phone. It had been almost a week since they had talked with him being off world for two days and her overseeing some large event that was happened this last weekend for one of the First Lady’s favorite charities. He knew she had planned to take a couple of days off after that but unfortunately his schedule didn’t allow for any time for him to get to DC just then. Jack contented himself with the knowledge that the SGC would be winding down during the upcoming holiday season and they would be able to spend some extended time together. He had persuaded her to come to him in Colorado Springs wanting to show her his home there. Dana had never been to the house in Colorado Springs. Even though they had spent time together outside of DC, it was mostly at the cabin in Minnesota. Because his schedule was more flexible than hers it had been easier for him to jump on Air Force transport at the last minute and join her in DC rather than the other way around. Jack figured it was way past time for Dana to weave herself into the fabric of his life as he had woven himself into the fabric of hers for the last year so it had been decided that she would come there to spend the holidays with him.

Jack met up with Carter as she came out of the control room. In the last few weeks that SG-1 had been back on-line, the initial awkwardness they both felt had evened out into a workable relationship but it was different than before with her. She didn’t relax around him as much as she did before, catching herself when she started falling back into their old patterns of interaction. It didn’t matter, Jack told himself, because Carter was still his right hand and there was no one that Jack would rather have watching his back. It did however make him sad that for now their easy casual friendship was gone.

“Sorry, sir,” she said when she saw the weariness in his eyes. “Something’s up, but I don’t know what. SG-14 is back. They were not recalled and they did not come back under fire. It was an emergency abort and Col. Hayes asked to be debriefed by the General immediately and alone. He requested SG-1 be here when he came out.” Jack nodded his understanding. SG-1 was always the next in line information was passed along to when something occurred that had to be acted on immediately. They were after all the flagship team.

He and Carter joined up with Daniel and Teal’c outside of the briefing room just as Col. Hayes' meeting with Hammond finished. Jack tried to catch Hayes’ eye as he exited the room but he refused to meet Jack’s glaze. He only had a minute to ponder this strange behavior when Hammond called him into the briefing room. When the SF shut the door behind him with the rest of SG-1 on the other side, Jack felt a sudden coldness settle over his soul. Judging by the look on the general’s face, this was going to be bad.

Hammond silently activated a Goa’uld holographic message crystal which Jack found out later was the reason SG-14 had come back unexpectedly. It had been passed to them by a Tok'ra operative on a world they were trading with. A holographic image coalesced over the table. It only took a moment for Jack to recognise who it was. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach and he suddenly couldn’t breath. Jack felt his knees go weak and his heart stop beating as he sank heavily into the nearest chair. Hammond’s firm but gentle grip on his shoulder and his quiet, “Easy, Son.” helped him to steady himself and concentrate on what he saw before him.

The Goa’uld had Dana.

Some low-leveled Goa’uld seeking to make a name for himself had found out about their relationship and had taken Dana to get at him. He was the leader of SG-1, the most widely known of the SG teams, and the most prominent member of Earth’s fight against the Goa’uld so they decided to strike directly at him by taking from him what he cared for the most. Their message was very short and very clear; Dana was at their mercy and as long as Jack O’Neill was striking out against them, they would make her pay for it. They didn’t ask for anything, they didn’t want to bargain for her release. They just wanted Jack to know that they had her.

Jack felt sick to his stomach. He knew from personal experience what terrible unspeakable things the Goa’uld were capable of when it came to torture. The thought of anything like that happening to Dana was so terrible that the pain almost killed him. The knowledge that it would be his fault hurt him even more.

Even as his first impulse was to go after her, Jack knew it would never happen. There was no way such a mission would be authorized. The resources of the SCG could never be mobilized to save just one person especially a civilian who knew nothing about the Stargate no matter who it was. Dana had no knowledge of anything that would propose a security risk to the program. What Dana’s capture did was to make him the security risk. He knew what the procedure was in hostage cases although this was the first time anything had happened within Stargate Command. Even as Jack sat there he knew that General Hammond had ordered Walter to lock his command codes out of the system. In the back of his shock numbed mind, Jack approved. It was the right action to take because he knew he would do anything, sell out Earth itself to get her back.

The sound of the Goa’uld‘s laughter was abruptly ended by Hammond savagely punching the off button. Jack sat in stunned silence for a long moment trying to breath, trying to make his mind work.

“Jack, I’m so sorry.” Hammond said finally. “I – I don’t know what to say,son.”

The compassion in the older man’s voice had the effect of rousing Jack and gave him the strength to come to his feet.

“There’s nothing to say, Sir,” he said thickly. “Nothing at all.”

Only his years of military training help Jack to walk to the door even as he felt himself start to fall apart inside.

“Excuse me, General, I have to – I’ve got to….”

The words stuck in his throat and he left the room without waiting to be dismissed. He barely saw Daniel, Sam and Teal’c standing a few feet down the hall waiting for him to come out. His eyes met Daniel’s and he saw by the stricken look they held that he knew. They all knew.

“God, Jack –"

Daniel took a step towards him but Jack shook his head and didn’t slow down. As he moved past them he saw Teal’c gently restrain Carter from following after him. He couldn’t face them now without falling completely and totally apart. Above and beyond all else he was still an Air Force Colonel, second in command of the SGC and the leader of their team. He had to set the example and he did so until the door of the elevator closed behind him for the long ride to the surface. Jack began to shake in spite of his resolve as the full horror of the situation washed over him. Dana was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it. Unable to hold back the tears as the pain succeeded in breaking his control Jack covered his face in his hands and sank to the floor weeping.


	21. Command Decision

It had been Teal’c who had come to him after the briefing. It wasn’t often the thoughtful, powerful man appeared in his doorway alone. When he did, George Hammond would immediately cancel any pending appointment, put down his phone, set aside any report he was going over to hear what Teal’c had to say. As Teal'c had followed him into his office directly after the briefing, Hammond had a good idea of what it would be.

He waited quietly as Teal’c closed the door and stood for a moment as if gathering his thoughts. He then pulled up a chair next to Hammond’s desk, sat down and leaned forward like a penitent about to make a confession. Inside, Hammond frowned and his heart sank though his face remained open and attentive. He knew what this was about.

“He will not come to you and ask.” Teal’c melodic voice was low and deep. “And because he will not, I must.”

Hammond sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped as if under the weight of the strain of the last few hours. Every working day being in command of the SGC had its measure of stress, but this situation – well, this situation was personal. Very personal indeed.

“How long have you known about this…relationship, Teal’c?”

Teal’c hesitated for only a moment. He had made up his mind that he would speak freely and say whatever it took but he still wanted to be careful to betray O’Neill’s confidence as little as possible. “I have known for a little less than a year, General Hammond,” he explained. “I found out quite by accident. O’Neill had invited me up to his cabin to go fishing and after initially declining I reconsidered and decided to join him. I decided to….surprise him.”

“Ah,” Hammond said knowingly. “And he introduced you as…?”

“Initially, he did not introduce me at all,” Teal’c explained. “She was asleep at the time.”

“Ah.” He said again. “I see.” Teal’c could see that he did not but now was not the time to go into those details.

“General Hammond, O’Neill will not come to you and ask you to let him go after her. But I am asking. I am asking you to authorize SG-1 and whatever resources are needed to go and bring Dana Nelson back from the Goa’uld.”

General Hammond shook his head firmly in regret and exasperation. “Teal’c, you know I can’t do that. No matter who she is to Colonel O’Neill, we just can’t do it. We cannot use these resources for our own personal concerns. It’s a cruel fact but that’s the very reason that O’Neill is not here in that chair instead of you. He knows that any airman in his position would not be able to request this and he will not put himself above his people.”

“That is why I am here, to do what he cannot.”

“Teal’c, I appreciate how you feel. I know this young woman myself and like her very much, but I just got off of the phone with the Joint Chiefs –“

“General Hammond,” Teal’c interrupted him abruptly, “Do you know how much O’Neill has risked since he became a part of the SGC?”

The question stopped General Hammond cold in mid-sentence as Teal’c knew it would. “Of all who are a part of the SGC, O’Neill has risk the most. Yes, Daniel Jackson lost his beloved wife but it was not because O’Neill did not do everything he could to make it otherwise. He faced great danger to save not only my son and my wife but countless numbers of my people. When members of your own government threatened your grandchildren, O’Neill personally put not only his life but he went against the government he has sworn to die for to make sure they would never be threatened again.”

Teal’c leaned farther forward his voice pleading and earnest. “You have said many times, we owe much to Colonel O’Neill. More than we can repay. Indeed, you have remarked many times that the very existence of the SGC is due to Colonel O’Neill. General Hammond, is this not one way to try to repay all that he has done for us?”

Hammond sat silently thinking not only over what Teal’c had said but the many other examples he could name where O’Neill had put his life on the line for not only those from this planet, but others as well. He had argued those points vehemently to the brass a few moments earlier and even though they acknowledged the colonel’s contributions, they refused to even consider mobilizing the rescue force the size he knew it would take. Collateral Damage they said. An unfortunate aspect of being at war.

Teal’c watching the thought processes working themselves through behind Hammond steely gaze. He knew the general was considering his next step after his superiors had already rejected his initial request. He could see all of the pros and cons lining up in the general’s mind and he was afraid the weight of the decision to go further would be on the con side. But Teal’c had one last thing to say. It was a deeply personal thing but he had to say it.

“O’Neill will not survive the loss of this woman.”

“Excuse me?” Hammond said.

“He will not survive the loss of this woman.” Teal’c repeated. “O’Neill has lost too much, given up too much to continue. You know how he was when he first came here from the loss of his son and his marriage. It will break him if he has to stand by knowing that the woman he has taken a chance to open his life to is at the mercy of the Goa’uld the same way he was before. It will break him, General Hammond. He will not survive.”

Hammond sighed and Teal’c knew he had made up his mind. The General stood up. Teal’c stood with him. Coming from around the desk, Hammond walked to the door and opened it. The ever present sentry outside his door stepped smartly forward.

“Where is Cornel O’Neill now?” Hammond asked him.

“Sir! I’m not sure, sir, but I believe he has gone to the surface.”

“Find him.” Hammond snapped. Before the echo of his words had died in the air, the sentry was halfway down the hall.

Teal’c bowed deeply and without a word, left to follow the sentry as General Hammond reached for the red phone on the corner of his desk.


	22. Isolation

It was Siler who had found him. When the stopped elevator alarm sounded, he was (as always) the one who had been called to input the override codes and get it moving again. As the doors opened and Siler saw who it was huddled in the corner of the elevator, he quickly closed them back and stood guard in front of them.

Although it wasn’t common knowledge yet, Siler knew about the situation with the colonel’s lady being kidnapped. Very little went on in the SGC that he didn’t know about, usually before the higher ups. People tended to forget he was in the room and so spoke freely around him. It was a peculiarity that Siler nurtured by remaining decidedly forgettable. Few people saw through the pose, Jack O’Neill being one of them. He recognized Siler as a kindred soul and they had become friends after a fashion, so when Siler found O’Neill weeping in the elevator, his first thought was to shelter his friend from prying eyes.

Informing anyone who approached that they’d have to take the secondary elevator because this one was out of order, Siler pulled out his ever present cell phone, and called Walter Harriman. A few minutes later Sgt. Harriman showed up at a run, with Daniel Jackson on his heels. Siler had asked Walter to find him. The young doctor’s wife had also been taken by the goa’uld and Siler figured if anyone would know what to say to the colonel in this situation, it would be him.

With a nod of thanks at Siler, Daniel asked the two men to make sure the corridor remained clear of personnel as he opened the elevator doors. The two friends couldn’t hear what he said to the Colonel as he knelt beside him, but after a few minutes, the distraught older man struggled to his feet and head bowed, followed his friend from the elevator.

“Do you remember?” Walter asked Siler as they watched Daniel lead Jack down the deserted hall.

Siler nodded sadly. “After that first mission to Abydos. Then it was Colonel O’Neill taking care of Dr. Jackson.”

“The more things change…” Walter mused sadly.

“Yeah,” Siler said. “The more things never change…dammit.”

~*~*~*~*~

It was the closest Sam ever came to hating Daniel, even though she knew he was right.

“He wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this.” Daniel told her as he blocked her way into the isolation room where he had sequestered Jack. It was the closest, most secure place Daniel could think of to take him after getting him out of the elevator. Jack needed some time to work through the initial shock and the grief of Dana’s kidnapping and in the protected world of the infirmary Daniel knew he could be sheltered from the strong emotions that would definitely be swirling around the situation when it became common knowledge within the SGC.

“Do you mean anyone or just me?” Sam asked, bitterly. “I’m a member of the team, too, Daniel. I came to tell him that the general has convinced the President to give us the go-ahead to pull together a rescue mission. SG 3, 10 & 13 are already formulating a plan based on the intelligence we’ve recovered so far as to where she’s being held. ”

“That’s good,” Daniel replied, obviously relieved. “I’ll let Jack know.”

“No, I’ll let him know,” Sam said angrily. “I’m his second in command and it’s my responsibility to keep him informed of any situation that would affect our team, so step aside.”

Daniel shook his head. “No, its better that I do it this time.”

Sam stood staring at Daniel, the anger, hurt and frustration of the last few hours evident in her voice. “What’s with you, Daniel? Why are you doing this? You act as if I’m… as if I’m going to do something, say something to hurt him. Is that what you’re thinking – you’ve got to protect him from me because I’m going to somehow hurt him?”

“No, that’s not what I’m thinking,” Daniel explained calmly but firmly. “I know you would never hurt Jack intentionally but trust me, Sam…you are the last person that needs to be in that room right now.”

Daniel words, though spoken gently, were like a slap in the face and tears began to well up in Sam’s eyes. “I’m a member this team, too, Daniel,” she said again, wondering why she felt as if that was in question. “More than that, I care about him as much as you and Teal’c do.”

“I know that Sam…and so does Jack,” he said gently. “But if you go in there to try to comfort him now, the only thing your presence in that room can do is remind him of what’s been taken from him, what he doesn’t have and what he can’t have. He doesn’t need that now. He needs to remain focused on the possibility, the hope of getting Dana back alive. Otherwise, we’re gonna lose him.”

“Lose him?” Sam repeated disbelievingly.

“Lose him,” Daniel repeated firmly. “This is the second time Jack has had someone he loved taken through violence that he feels he brought to them. The first time - Charlie - it made him suicidal.” The look in Daniel’s eyes was a haunted, troubled one. “You weren’t there – you don’t know what he was like. If he loses her…” Daniel shook his head. “I’m afraid he’ll do it this time, Sam.”

“If you want to help Jack then give him the space and the privacy he needs to pull himself together.” he said. “You are his second in command, but because of this situation, you’re in charge of SG-1 now. Especially on this mission Jack is going to need to rely on you to see this mission through. You’ve got to prepare yourself. It won’t be easy for you, because the only thing you can do to help him now is to help him find her.” Daniel lifted Sam’s tear-streaked face to look deep into her eyes. “Can you do that, Sam? Can you find it in your heart to help the man you love save the woman who took him from you? Because that’s what it comes down to; saving him by saving her.”

Sam’s eyes closed as her shoulders slumped and Daniel knew she was struggling with the truth of what he had said.

“Teal’c and I will see to Jack tonight,” he told her. “We both know what he’s feeling; we know the terror, the fear, the incredible guilt at putting someone you love in danger. We know what to say to him. We’ll keep him safe while you get the other teams ready.”

Daniel reached out and hugged his friend gently then walked back into the isolation room shutting the door behind him. Before it closed all the way, Sam caught a glimpse of a distraught Jack sitting on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands with Teal’c sitting in front of him talking quietly to him. She turned away from the closed door, never before feeling so isolated from her closest friends. Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders Sam walked back to take command of the mission planning in the conference room with Daniel’s last question ringing in her ears and in her heart.


	23. Rescue

Dana heard what she thought was gunfire as she was flung brutally onto the elevated stone floor. The metal clad boot of the guard who stood behind the throne came down heavily on the back of her neck as she tried to rise, shoving her face back into the rough stone and reopening the gash in her forehead. The pain was overwhelming and terrible. She instinctively started to struggle as the sound of the fighting came closer but instantly froze when she heard the unmistakable sound of crackling electricity. The long weapon the guard had been holding was activated right behind her left ear. She had seen the damage it could inflict on the human body and the threat was unmistakable. Dana knew he wouldn’t hesitate to blow her head off if she tried to fight him this time.

The blood from the gash ran down into her eyes and mixed with tears of anger and fear as the sound of weapons fire and shouting grew louder. A distant explosion rocked the room. It seemed the ship was under some kind of attack and Dana found grim pleasure in that thought. Who ever it was that was after them, she hoped they blew this ship and everyone on it straight to hell. Dana closed her eyes and began to pray. Maybe this time God would let her die.

Some part of Dana’s mind still refused to believe she had been abducted by beings from another planet, beings who looked human but were definitely not. They had taken her in the night as she had fallen asleep, exhausted after a long day and she had awakened in what she thought was a nightmare. It was only when the pain began that Dana realized that it was all too horrifyingly real.

The door of the room exploded inward and the sound of fighting and gunfire was all around her. In one motion the guard raised his weapon and gave her a savage kick with his boot. It sent her gasping in pain as he stepped over her, firing his weapon at who ever was coming through the door. Before she had time to think Dana felt two hands grab her from behind and jerk her roughly out of the way of the now lifeless body of that same guard as it fell. A scream stuck in her parched throat as she frantically scrambled backwards and away from the headless corpse. She didn’t go far. The hands that pulled her out of the way tightened their grip on her shoving her back down onto the stone floor. The person they belonged to threw themselves over her as the room shook with one explosion and then another. She could hardly breathe under the weight of the person covering her but even though the weight pressed painfully against her bruised and battered body she didn’t try to push them off as she suddenly realized he was trying to protect her. A fourth explosion went off and before the thundering ended the person rolled off of her and in one motion dragged her to her feet and pulled her into the darkness.

Dana found herself flattened between cold stone and the warm body of her rescuer. A quick glance around her showed she was between the wall and the hangings that covered it. In the long moment they were still, Dana’s mind began to clear and for the first time she wondered who this person was. The light comming through the spaces of the wall hangings they hid behind was dim but it was enough for her to recognize with a start the combat uniform of a military soldier.

For the first time since her nightmare had begun Dana felt her mind begin to slip into the madness she had fought so hard against. It had been her one comfort, her one victory, to hold back the madness for just one more day. Now, with all of the terrifying things she had witness and the horrific things she had endured it was the sight of something familiar like a United States military uniform was about to send her over the edge.

The soldier spoke for the first time. “Stay close, stay low and keep quiet!” He commanded. “We’re here to take you home.” The word ‘home’ snapped Dana back to clarity. He didn’t have to tell her twice. He began to drag her along the wall without looking back or slowing down as she stumbled. Dana followed his quick footsteps as best she could through the darkened hallways of the massive ship. It hurt to breath at that pace but she bit her lip and pressed forward. Twice without a word he shoved her into the shadows and stepped in front of her as she flattened herself against the wall. She moved when he moved and stopped when he stooped, her mind clearer now in spite of the pain because he had said he was here to take her home.

The soldier moved a few quick paces along the hall and at a specific spot, slammed his fist against a wall three times and yelled, “Roberts!” A door she hadn’t seen was there slid open and the soldier grabbed her and shoved her through the opening. As the door slid closed, Dana heard movement in the dark behind her. She spun around fearful that they had been caught, and was horrified to see weapons pointed directly at her.

“Step back Roberts,” A decidedly female voice spoke up and out of the corner of her eye Dana saw a female soldier step from the darkness. The young soldier stepped away. Without taking her eyes off of Dana the woman asked, “Winston? Neiman?”

The soldier shook his head. “No ma’am.” His voice was low and Dana realized they were talking about other soldiers. Soldiers who hadn’t made it back; soldiers who had died so that she could go home. She reached out for the wall to steady herself, as the air suddenly began to feel very thick around her.

“Are you ok, ma’am?”… From the female soldier.

“No,” Dana answered thickly. “No, I’m not.” She realized she had begun shaking although she was not cold. Shock, she thought to herself, I’m going into shock. But she couldn’t think to form the words to tell them.

She was drawn by the look in the other woman’s eyes as the soldier moved slowly forward, her gaze intent upon Dana’s face as if searching for something. Her clear blue eyes were startling - very pretty, Dana thought somewhere outside of herself. When the soldier reached out as if to touch her Dana involuntarily flinched away as if her very touch would cause pain. Compassion filled the soldier’s blue eyes. She spoke softly, quietly as if soothing a wounded animal.

“I’m not going to hurt you, but I do have to touch you.” At least that’s what Dana thought she had said but it didn’t make sense. The soldier reached out and laid hand on Dana’s arm for just a moment although she never moved her finger off of the trigger of her weapon. After a pause she said, “It’s going to be ok. We’ve going to take you home now.”

Releasing Dana’s arm, she turned away, as she spoke into what looked to be a walkie-talkie on her shoulder. “We’ve got her and she’s clear. Start dialing.” She looked over at a soldier to her left as if asking a specific question.

“Major - the Colonel’s on his way.” He said as if listening to something he held to his ear. “He said don’t wait for him - get her out now.”

The woman – the Major - looked none to happy as she snapped an order into the radio on her shoulder. “We're out – NOW!” She reached out as if to take Dana by the arm again when there was suddenly a pounding on the door.

Dana was once again grabbed, shoved against a wall and down on her knees with a number of heavily armed soldiers forming a shield in front of her, the Major placing herself directly in front of her. All around her in the darkness she heard the sound of weapons being cocked. In the background she heard a strange grinding noise as if two large stones were being scrapped across each other.

A muffled voice yelled out, “Carter!” Instantly the door swung open and a group of soldiers rushed into the room. Dana heard the sounds of bullets flying as a group of the creatures that had held her tried to follow them through. The din in the hallway was cut short as the door slammed shut. She heard angry voices and weapons fire on the other side.

“Carter!” A voice rang out from the group of soldiers that had come through the door. “Carter!”

“Here, Colonel” The major stepped forward as one of the soldiers helped Dana to her feet. It was all she could do to stand and she was leaning against the wall for support. She was shaking violently and the pain in her body was almost more than she could bear.

Soldiers on either side of Dana stepped back as a tall soldier came out of the shadows from across the room. She figured he was an officer by the way the soldiers made way for him. His cap was pulled low across his face but it was something about the way he walked as he came towards her that triggered an unexpected sense of recognition in Dana’s pain-filled mind. Her forehead wrinkled slightly with effort as she tried to focus on his face as he came nearer. The wall behind her was the only thing that kept her from falling over in shock as he stepped into the light.

She did know him. It was Jack.

Suddenly everything fell into place. The question of why she had been taken, the reason she had been humiliated, tortured and beaten had been answered. The reason why was Colonel Jack O’Neill.

So many things about their relationship became glaringly clear. When Dana had first met Jack, she knew he had been assigned to an Air Force Special Forces unit. His cover story of working with deep space telemetry research, she knew was a shield for something else, something possibly very dangerous. Never in her wildest dreams did Dana ever imagine he could be doing anything like this.

Jack reached out for her but Dana turned away from him with a low grief filled moan that came out of the depths of her soul. For the countless days she had been fighting to stay alive and sane, Dana had refused to think about Jack. Even when he came to her in her dreams she ran from him and would fight to wake herself because she couldn’t see him, she couldn’t think of him and stay strong enough to survive. Knowing now that Jack was the reason this had happened to her was more than Dana could bear. The room began to tilt as her knees gave way and she slide down the wall to the floor.

A loud roar like a sudden windstorm filled her ears and the room was filled with a blinding blue-white light. Dana felt herself being lifted up in strong arms and held close to familiar warmth. In the split second before she lost consciousness, Dana heard Jack whisper in her ear, “Hold on baby. Hold on just a little bit longer,” before he carried her into the blue white light.


	24. Recovery

It seemed as if all four shifts of the SGC were somewhere nearby when the alarm began blaring. Those that had the clearance took off at a dead run to the executive briefing room which overlooked the Gate Room while the others lined the hallways getting as close as they could without getting in the way. This mission was special to them all and they all had to know how it turned out. After all, the ones they loved as well were also vunerable to attack. It was against regulations to loiter in the halls but as Hammond made his way quickly to the Gate Room, he pretended as if he didn’t see them. Just this one time he’d look the other way. .

All the chevrons locked in place and the GDO code was received and verified. The iris spun open revealing the shimmering swell of the wormhole. Almost immediately they started coming through, the wounded first, some helped by their teammates, a few under their own power. For his part, his place was in the control room but this time he stood at the foot of the ramp waiting for his people to come through. Four SG teams had gone – a total of 16 volunteers Dr. Frasier who had appeared at Hammond’s side moved quickly with her team to evaluate the wounded and clear the ramp. The general stood out of the way of the activity, counting as he always did the number of team members already returned praying that when the wormhole disengaged, his count wouldn’t be lacking.

There was a long moment of panic for Jack O’Neill during the transition from one Stargate to the other. He knew it was a matter of taking the next step as he had done countless times before, but in the soul-chilling moment before re-materialization when he couldn’t feel his body, he wondered if he still held Dana in his arms. In less than a heartbeat Jack stepped through the event horizon in the SGC and the extra weight of Dana in his arms caused him to stumble, something which he had never done before. It was Teal’c who had stepped though the event horizon just before he had who caught the two of them as they fell.

No one who was there would ever forget the sight of Jack O’Neill on his knees in front of the active Stargate with the woman he loved wrapped tightly in his arms. It was as if he couldn’t bear to let her go now that he had her back. Teal’c stood over him and kept the last of the team coming through the wormhole from running over them. When the gate shut down with a roar, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of Jack O’Neill sobbing.

“Let me have her, Colonel.” Janet Frasier spoke gently and quietly to Jack as she tried to remove the unconscious woman from his arms. “Jack…Jack…let me have her, please.” His arms tightened around her even as Janet Frasier tried to take her from him.

General Hammond knelt beside his distraught friend. “She’s safe now, Jack. You’ve brought her home. Now let the doctors take care of her.”

Hammond’s calm, authoritative voice got through. Jack loosened his hold on Dana as Frasier’s team quickly took her from his arms. The look in the eyes the younger man was something Hammond knew he’d never be able to forget. “She’s not breathing.” Jack said shakily. “She's not...”

“It’s the shock of the thermal changes she experienced coming through the gate in her weakened state,” Frasier replied as her team lifted Dana on a stretcher and began moving with her down the ramp. One of the first things they did at the bottom was to slip an oxygen mask over her face as they began to assess her condition. One of them looked over and gave Frasier a look that said it was not good. Nodding, Frasier moved to step between Jack and the stretcher as the rest of her team rushed Dana from the Gate Room. She had hoped he had not gotten a good look at her and that her team would have some time to work with her before he did. Jack made a move to follow but the doctor tried to stop him.

“I need to go with her,” Jack said firmly as he struggled to regain his composure.

“We’re going to need to make a complete assessment,” Frasier told him. “That’s going to take some time and Colonel, you need to go rest. I promise to let you know what her condition is - ”

“No,” Jack said as handed off his weapons to the waiting airman. “I need to be there when she wakes up. She’s not going to know she’s safe if I’m not there.” He pushed past the doctor to follow the stretcher to the infirmary.

Frasier began to protest but the general stopped her. “Let’s go, Doctor,” General Hammond said. “He’s not going to hear you until he knows she’s out of danger.” He followed the doctor down the ramp as she hurried off to the infirmary.


	25. Recovery pt.2

Jack left briefly shower and change after he had been assured by the doctor that Dana was out of immediate danger. While he was gone, Dana had been moved into one of the isolation rooms which were much more private than the main ward. He arrived back in time to see Dr. Frasier draw back the privacy curtain from around the bed and to see two of the nurses removing the torn clothes Dana had been wearing. He didn’t look too closely but he was sure they were bloodstained.

“We've made her more comfortable,” Frasier told him as he approached the bed. She was taking Dana’s pulse.

Jack stood next to the bed, his hands in his pockets, his eyes going over every inch of her face. He could see where her cheek was swollen and the part of her shoulder where the clean gown fell away was badly bruised. He reached out and gently touched two tiny white bandage strips that held together a gash on her eye. “How bad?” He asked never taking his eyes off of Dana’s face.

Frasier hesitated. “I don’t think now is the time to talk about that, Colonel,” she said quietly.

“I agree.” General Hammond had come in and was standing at Jack’s side. “You don’t want to do this now, son.”

The look in Hammond’s eyes told Jack that the general had already been briefed and there were things he didn’t want to know. Not just yet anyway. Jack nodded ruefully and sat down wearily in a chair by Dana’s bed. He felt Hammond’s hand on his shoulder. “You’ve brought her home, Jack. Concentrate on that now.” He motioned to the doctor. “We’re going to leave you alone for a while. We’re here if you need us.”

“She’s going to sleep for a while,” Frasier said. “That’s the best thing for her – and for you - right now.” She didn’t tell him that she had sedated Dana she was going to keep her that way for at least another 24 hours.

“I know.” Jack said quietly but he stayed where he was. The doctor sighed heavily as she walked away with the general. Before she closed the door, Dr. Frasier lowered the lights a little. Maybe now the colonel would get some rest in spite of himself.

In the dim quiet of the room, Jack sat for a long time next to her bed still as a statue, watching Dana’s face and listening to her steady quiet breathing. Occasionally when she stirred fitfully and moaned in her sleep, Jack would reach out and began to gently stroke her forehead. After a moment she quieted and her breathing steadied. He continued to stroke her forehead gently never taking his eyes off of her face.

In the darkness of the isolation’s room observation bay the hot tears she had been holding back slid down Samantha Carter’s face. The shock of finding out there was someone special in Jack’s life was surpassed only by the anguish she felt watching him deal with the pain of this woman’s kidnapping and knowing the only thing she could do was to help him find her. Well, she had done that for him. She had taken his place and led the team when he could not and now he had the woman he loved more than her back.

It hurt. It hurt more than Sam thought she could bear. Even though she wondered if Jack must have felt the same way during the times she had someone special in her life, she whispered to herself, “It was not like this.” Even with Martouf, there was always part of her heart that she held in reserve for Jack O’Neill and it was his for the asking. As Sam watched from the darkness, she knew it was not the same on his part. Not any more.

Jack had moved so one arm was stretched carefully across Dana’s body and his head lay resting against her where he could hear heart beat. She saw his eyes begin to close as he gave in to the exhaustion she knew he must feel. She was glad because she knew he had not really rested since Dana had been taken. After a moment Sam saw his shoulders relaxed and his breathing slow as he fell into an exhausted sleep.

Brushing the tears from her face, Sam took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself and to prepare to walk quickly down the halls of the SGC to her quarters without attracting attention. She wished she had a mirror to see if her eyes were red and puffy from crying but knew she was just going to have to make a run for it. Moving towards the door, Sam took one more glance through the observation window at the sleeping couple. She knew it was a mistake as her eyes again filled with tears as she fled the room.


	26. Nightmares

The first thing Dana became aware of was the overwhelming amount of pain she was in, but that was nothing new. It was always the first thing she became consciousness of ever since she had been taken. There was pain when she moved, pain when she was still and every breath she drew was an agony. She tried to move her head but the stabbing pains that shot through her temples made her think the better of it. She became aware of overwhelming thirst but knew there would be no help for it. She couldn’t remember the last time she tasted clean water and she didn’t want to think about what they gave her to drink. It never occurred to her that it was strange that she didn’t open her eyes when she came awake anymore. She knew where she was; there was nothing there she wanted to see. Soon enough she would have to face the reality that had become her world. For now she wanted to be alone in the darkness of her own creation.

She sighed in resignation and let the tears come. They slipped from her closed eyes silently, with no effort. Alone in the dark upon waking was the only time she let the tears fall, the only time she gave in to the aching despair. She wouldn’t cry for them. Her tears were the only things she had left that were hers. She wouldn’t give them over to her captors willingly. Anything else they got from her they had to pull from her and they were bitter. These tears, these sweet tears that she cried for herself and for the love she had lost were for her and her alone.

“Jack….”

His name slipped from her like the tears did, softly, slowly lingering over her tongue, caressing her lips as it escaped her. His name in her mouth was like one of his kisses, full, soft, firm and sweet and she held onto it as long as she could before releasing it into the dark. She never said it twice, only the once each time she awoke just as she lingered on the edge of unconsciousness as if to ration its use for the endless terrible days to come. It was the one thing left of him that was hers and she would make it last as long as she could.

“I’m here baby.”

She became aware of pain again, this time the pain was in her heart. She must still be in the dream – it was the only place she heard him so clearly. She remembered the dream this time; it was so clear. He called out to her, reached out for her, had come to take her home. She turned away, knowing that it couldn’t be real and not wanting to almost touch him. It was always worse when she reached out, when she tried to touch him because he always disappeared. The dream would dissolve or she would be snatched out of it by her captors and it would be worse than if she hadn’t tried at all. So every time he reached out for her, she turned away. Every time he called her name, she wouldn’t answer. It was the only way she knew to survive.

“Dana, baby, I’m here.”

She heard him again and it hurt her again like a knife being turned in her soul. She tried to move away from the sound but she couldn’t. It was all around her and she couldn’t escape it. She was trapped in it and her silent tears began to take on a voice, her voice, as she began to weep openly. Each sob tore from her, hurting her both physically and emotionally as she struggled to come to full consciousness. She had to get away from it, away from the sound of his voice other wise she’d be trapped in the pain. It was the worst part of the torture, the part which she inflicted on herself. Turning away from the one thing she loved, the one thing that had been her life and the one thing that if she embraced it now would kill her.

“Wake up baby. It’s ok. You’re safe now; I’m here…wake up Dana…”

His voice wouldn’t let her go. It continued to pull her towards it, getting louder, surrounding her leaving her no place to hide. She began to hate it because it trapped her, she began to fight it because it held her in this nightmare, it was holding her down, restraining her and she knew that if she couldn’t get free of it she’d die….

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He had never heard her scream before and never in his nightmares thought she could make a sound like that. The sound of it slammed into him, tearing him apart like weapons fire.

After the longest day and night in his life, Jack watched as Dana began to come out of the drug induced sleep the doctor had put her into. A sigh had escaped her, a small, weary, heartsick sound that wounded him beyond belief. Then one by one, the tears slid from her eyes, silent, lonely, each one trailing slowly down her cheek to join the others on her pillow. She was crying in her sleep and as much as it hurt him, he did as the doctor had told him and didn’t try to wake her. But then he heard her calling for him, softly at first, like she would do in the middle of the night when she wanted him to wake up and make love to her and he had to answer. It was a sweet loving passionate sound and she was saying it over and over again as the tears ran down her cheeks.

“I’m here baby,” he had whispered to her as he would do in those late night hours before taking her in his arms and burying himself inside of her. “Dana, baby, I’m here. Wake up now. It’s ok to wake up now; you’re safe.”

Instead of calming her and helping her to find her way back to him, his words seemed to have the opposite effect. She began to moan as if in pain and he could tell that she was struggling to wake herself up. She continued to call for him, her voice louder now, pleading for him. Each time he answered her, her struggling grew more aggressive and he began to realize that even though she called for him, she was trying to get away from him.

Jack didn’t know what to do. Dana kept calling for him, sobbing out his name even as she seemed to be struggling against his presence. He did what he could to gently keep her from hurting herself as she began to thrash around, obviously in pain but struggling against his touch. When she began to scream out his name over and over again, all he knew to do was keep a grip on her arm where the IV needle was imbedded and keep her from hurting herself. He called out for the doctor, knowing that the room was monitored as they would hear him as well as her.

Frasier was already on her way having heard the scream not through the monitors but in her office on the other side of the infirmary. She came running with one of her nurses, the circles under her eyes attesting to the fact that she had gotten little sleep the night before herself. She had come prepared, a hypodermic needle in her hand the contents of which she emptied into the access on the IV bag. As the nurse helped Jack hold Dana still, Dr. Frasier began to fasten her arm in a restraint.

“No restraints!” Jack snapped savagely at the doctor who jumped away startled at his vehemence.

“She’s still asleep colonel. She’s fighting in her sleep and going to hurt herself,” Frasier insisted as she came to herself. “Just until the sedative takes effect.” She resumed fastening the restraint on Dana’s arm.

“I said no restraints,” Jack repeated forcefully. “She’s already terrified and I don’t want her to wake up like that. I’ll hold her.”

“Colonel - ”

“I can hold her, Janet,” Jack insisted and to prove it he released the restraint and climbed onto the bed, pulling the struggling Dana into his arms, holding her to him as she continued to sob out his name. The doctor held onto the arm with the IV attached to it as the sedative began to take effect and Dana slowly stopped trashing about. She released her then, checking the IV needle to make sure there was no injury done. Jack continued to hold Dana as her agonized sobs gave way to quiet weeping and she clung to him, holding onto his shirt with a death grip.

“Wake up Dana,” he told her softly. ‘You can wake up now. It’s over. It’s over baby, you’re safe now.”

“Jack…” She breathed his name so softly against his chest that he felt her whisper his name rather than heard her.

“I’m here baby,” he answered, his voice rough with emotion. “It’s ok. Open your eyes Dana…please open your eyes.”

“No….no…no….” It came out more as a quiet wail as Dana buried her face against Jack’s chest.

“Give her a moment, Colonel,” Frasier said softly from behind him. “Just give her a minute…” She motioned to the nurse who pulled up the railing on her side of the bed, nodded and left. Dr. Frasier picked up the pillow that had been knocked to the floor and placed it with another one against the railing behind Jack’s back. She then pulled the blanket up over Dana and tucked it around Jack where he held her.

“It’s the medication…she still asleep, Colonel,” she whispered softly. “To her this is all part of a dream…or maybe even a nightmare. She’ll come out of it when she’s ready. What I gave her calmed her down but also brought her to a lighter level of sleep. Just hold her…don’t press her. She’ll come out of it soon.”

Frasier gently pushed him to lean back against the pillows supporting him as he stretched fully out on the bed with Dana lying in his arms. Jack nodded in understanding as he leaned back against the pillows as exhausted from the last ten minutes as he had ever been. He started to protest when Frasier began to unlace his boots, but she ignored him as she pulled off first one then another and placed them under the side of the bed. She straightened the bed linens, draping another light blanket over the two of them, then pulled up the other bed rail and locked it into place. Reaching out from under the blanket, Jack gave the doctor’s arm a gently squeeze.

“Thanks Doc.’ he said wearily. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“You get some sleep, too, Colonel,” she told him firmly. “Don’t make me come back in here with an sedative for you too.”

“Yes ma’am.” Jack said with a faint smile.

Patting him on the shoulder in a motherly fashion with a soft smile, Frasier left the exhausted couple to go make her report to the General who stood waiting in the hall. When she checked back in on them before heading back to her office, they were both sleeping peacefully in each other’s arms and she knew the healing for both of them had begun.


	27. Awakening

God, she hurt all over. It was the first thing Dana thought when she began to stretch as she awakened. The stretch was cut short when a sharp pain ripped through her side causing her to gasp in pain. What the hell…her hand came into contact with a large bandage at the place of the pain.

“Dana?” Jack’s voice was anxious in her ear confirming that something was not right. As Dana began to come fully awake, she could see that things were not as they should be.

She was in Jack’s arms, but they were not in any bed they had been in before. It was a small bed and had… bars on it? Actually looked like - it was - a hospital bed. But why would they be sleeping in a hospital bed? And why did she feel as if she had been run over repeatedly by a Mack truck?

“Jack,” she whispered, “What’s going on?” She tried to sit up but each movement brought new pain with it.

“Lay still,” he whispered as he carefully reached across her to grasp something behind her. “Hold on. Help is coming…”

Turning her head slightly, Dana could begin to see the room around her and although it had a lot of medical equipment in it, it didn’t look like any hospital room she had ever seen before. It was grey, windowless and looked like it was made out of concrete as if she were in some kind of bunker.

“Jack?” She whispered again becoming more frightened. “What happened? Where are we?”

“You with me in Colorado,” Jack told her giving her only the very basic amount information. “Something happened – you were…you were injured and you’re with me here at the base.”

“Injured? The base?” she repeated. “The Air Force base?”

“You’re in our infirmary,” he told her soothingly. “We have the best doctors in the world.”

Dana’s mind was reeling and she tried to sit up again, but pain shot through her. “God, Jack.” she gasped painfully. “What –”

“The doctor will be here in a minute to give you something for the pain.” Jack said as he held her. “Just rest a minute. It’s all going to be ok.”

Dana closed her eyes against the throbbing pain in her body and confusion in her mind. Something had happened to her, something terrible. She didn’t know why she couldn’t remember – it was right on the edge of her mind. The one thing she did know for sure was that as long as Jack was here with her to hold her through the pain, she could face anything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack was sitting where he had been for the last few days in the chair by the side of Dana’s bed. She had been asleep due in part to the pain medication dozing in and out always finding Jack in the chair next to her. She noticed as she came awake this time that the chair had been changed out from the hard plastic one to a softer more padded chair which would make his sitting easier. He was reading through a file folder from a stack in his lap and making the occasional note on the papers inside of it. She lay there watching him for a while, taking in the sight of him holding vigil for her, letting her eyes hungry for the sight of him have their fill. As he turned the page, he looked over at her, and seeing she was awake, set the paperwork aside.

“Hey,” he said quietly leaning over the bed rail to give her a gentle kiss. “You ok? Are you in any pain?”

She reached out to touch his face enjoying the sensation of his skin on the palm of her hand. “No pain,” she replied groggily. “What time is it?”

Jack glanced at his watch. “It’s just after eight.” He replied.

“Is it day or night?” she asked frowning. “I can’t tell because there are no windows in this room.”

“It’s night,” Jack answered taking her hand and kissing it.

“What day is it?” She asked.

“It’s Friday,” he said. “Are you hungry?” He was trying to change the subject and she knew it.

“Please Jack,” she whispered. “How long have I been here?”

Jack took a deep breath and held her hand tighter. “You’ve been in here for about a week.”

He watched her as her eyes closed and her brow furrowed in painful concentration. He knew she was counting back to the days that she had a clear memory of and he dreaded her next question. Her eyes open and a single tear escaped. He reached out and brushed it away and leaned over to kiss her again.

“Tell me,” she whispered to him. “Please Jack…tell me what happened.”

“Rest a little more, then we’ll talk.” He said, but Dana shook her head no.

“Please,” she whispered another tear sliding down her cheek. “Please Jack, tell me …”

Jack knew he couldn’t avoid telling her any longer. It was the moment he had been dreading but it was here and he had to face it. He let down the rail on the side of the bed so he could lean closer and took her hand in both of his.

“Are you sure?” He asked. Dana nodded her eyes fixed on his face.

“Ok,” Jack whispered kissing her hand one more time. “Dana, do you remember the charity benefit in DC?” She nodded yes. “What do you remember after that?”

Dana’s forehead wrinkled with the strain of trying to recall those memories. “I remember going home, exhausted” she said slowly. “I remember that all I wanted to do was to get to bed.” Her eyes began to fill with tears. “I can remember wanting more than anything else to be able to fall asleep in your arms that night.” Jack swallowed hard as a lump rose in this throat and he blinked back his own tears. “After that …after that…” She shook her head. “It’s all jumbled…and strange, like a weird dream…a nightmare…” She turned questioning eyes to his anguished ones.

“You were taken baby…kidnapped.”

“Kidnapped?” Dana whispered in disbelief. “Me? Why?” It made no sense that she was a target. "I don't know anything, no secrets..."

“You were kidnapped in retaliation,” Jack told her, his heart aching. “Because of me and the work that I do. The work I could never tell you about.”

“But why…what did you…” Jack saw Dana stop herself. He knew she was thinking about him being a Special Forces colonel. She didn’t ask the question because she was afraid of what the answer would be.

“Dana,let me explain - ” he started but she closed her eyes as if in pain.

“No, please…” Dana said her voice trembling. “I…no…I don’t …”

“But Dana… Jack knew she was thinking that he had done something terrible and he couldn’t bear for her to think that of him. “Baby, let me explain…”

“No,” she whispered. “No…I don’t want to know.”

Dana began to weep and pulling her hand away from his, turned her face away from him. Distressed, Jack left off the explanation and could only sit next to Dana’s bed in despair as she continued to cry.


	28. Intervention

When Dana opened her eyes the next time, Jack was not the one in the chair. A dark haired young man with clear blue eyes beneath his wire rimmed glasses sat reading a notebook lying open in his lap. Her stirring caught his attention and he leaned forward with a slight smile that caused Dana to smile wearily back even though she had no idea who he was.

“Hello,” he said. “I’m Daniel…Dr. Daniel Jackson. I work with Jack.”

“Dr. Jackson?” Dana repeated slowly. She had heard that name before. “Yes…I remember …Teal’c - is your research assistant?”

Daniel frowned slightly even though the smile remained. “Uh well – yes and no….and please, call me Daniel. Teal’c and I do work together – in a manner of speaking - although our working relationship is not so easy to define as one of student and teacher although there are those aspects of it…what?”

Dana’s tired smile had grown and she chuckled a bit but it was cut short by a sharp pain in her abdomen. “You’re just as Jack described you,” she said.

“Well, I don’t know if that’s a comforting thought,” Daniel said dryly his smile growing wider.

“He described you as “thorough in your explanations.” Dana explained diplomatically. It was Daniel's turn to chuckle.

“What he probably said was that I talked too much,” Daniel clarified without resentment. “He tells me as much all the time.” His smile grew broader.”Am I right?”

“I claim the fifth,” Dana replied easily. She was surprised at how comfortable she already felt with this affable stranger even though she had just met him. “By the way, where is Jack?”

“Sleeping. He’s in the next room. Janet – Dr. Frasier ordered him to bed a few hours ago,” Daniel said. “I promised I'd sit with you until he got back. He’s been in this chair most nights since he brought you back.”

Dana’s eyes instantly filled with tears. “I know he has,” she whispered. “He must be so exhausted.”

“Yes, he is,” Daniel said sympathetically. “But you know that there is no place else he’s rather be than with you.” Dana’s eyes closed as she tried to hold back the tears. “He loves you very much.”

Dana nodded. “I know.” she said in a small voice.

There was a moment of silence then Dana heard Daniel say quietly, “From the moment he found out you were taken he was determined to get you back. Nothing else mattered to him. He would have done anything, gone anywhere to find you – and he did.”

Dana swallowed hard and opened her eyes. “Dr. Jac….Daniel,” she asked. “Who took me?”

Daniel looked away but not before Dana could see the sudden pain that came to his eyes. “The same people who took my wife six years ago.”

Dana was stunned. “Your wife was kidnapped as well?”

“Yes, she was,” Daniel answered simply, sorrow the underlying the tone in his voice. “Her name was Sha’re.”

“Was?” Dana whispered.

Daniel nodded. “We didn't get her back untill it was too late. It’s a long story.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dana told him.

“I only mentioned it because I wanted you to know that when it came to finding my wife, Jack was right there with me,” Daniel explained. “He’s a good man, Dana, maybe the best man I know. He’s been a good friend to me.”

Dana shook her head. “What is it that you’re trying to say?”

Daniel’s voice took on a hard edge. “What I’m saying is I know you’re wondering what Jack did to cause this to happen. You’re wondering if he did something wrong and he didn't. What he did - does is lead the fight against an unspeakable evil and he is winning that fight. They wanted to stop him, so they took you."

Just then a nurse came to check on Dana’s vitals and adjust her pillows so she could partiall sit up. Daniel stood up from the chair, shoving his hands in his pockets and his voice took on an instructional tone.

“During the next few days as all of this becomes clearer to you, you’re going to hear some things about Jack and what he does that you are going to find hard to believe.” Daniel told her firmly. “Believe it. It’s all true and know this: Jack is the best of the best. The best soldier, the best friend, and the best leader we can have in this fight. He’s the reason this place exists.”

“Just what is this place?” Dana asked slowly. “What is it that you do here?”

Daniel hesitated. “I think it’s best you hear that from Jack.”

“No,” Dana said quickly. “Let him sleep – please. Besides…I need some time to think about what you’ve said.”

Daniel nodded. “Ok…I won’t tell what time you woke up if you won’t.”

“Scout’s honor,” Dana whispered tiredly. “Although I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

Daniel’s brow wrinkled in concern. “I’m sorry, I’ve tired you out. Jack’s right – I do talk too much.”

“Not at all,” Dana said as she laid back against the pillows the nurse had adjusted for her. “You told me some things I needed to hear.”

“Well, in any case, I’m going to go check on Jack so you can have a bit of peace and quiet, but I’ll be back.” He picked up his notebook from the side table and turned to leave.

“Daniel…” Dana’s voice caused him to stop at the door and turned back to her. “You said Jack was a good friend to you." Daniel nodded "From what I can tell, you’re a good friend to him, too.”

With a nod, Daniel Jackson gave Dana a shy smile that lit up his clear blue eyes and left.


	29. Revelations

Dana stood with her face upturned enjoying the soothing sensation of the warm water. It had been too long since she had stood underneath a shower and the water cascading over her bruised body buoyed her spirits. It didn’t matter that she had to brace herself against the wall to steady herself or that there was a nurse standing just a few feet away, it was the first time in weeks that Dana began feeling like herself again.

The nurse did have to help her shampoo her hair as reaching over her head was still painful because of those two cracked ribs. The flesh over the ribs were still a sickly shade bluish – black and she could feel the tender areas and healing scars over her body where she had been suffered a number of bruises, cuts and scrapes. She had yet to see herself in a full length mirror: she’d wait a little while longer before doing that.

After being wrapped in a large fluffy towel she sat in the chair leaning over the sink as the nurse lathered, rinsed and lathered again. Dana closed her eyes and sighed as the warm water cascaded over her hair brought back childhood memories of her mother doing this for her over their kitchen sink. She buried her face in the towel she had been holding to wrap her wet hair in as an overwhelming sense of homesickness, loneliness and longing came over her. More than anything at that moment, she wished to be a child again who could climb into her mother’s lap and be wrapped in the arms of love, safe and protected from the imaginary things that went bump in the night. How terrible it was to be an adult and to know that there were monsters in the closet and that the nightmares were all real.

The memories of what had happened to her were coming back. It was an unerring sense of reality that let Dana know that she wasn’t having some drug induced nightmare, but that she had been abducted, beaten and terrorized by beings from another world. Still a part of her inside whispered that she should refrain from saying it out loud just in case. It would be better if someone else said it first.

Warm water trickled over her hair rinsing away the second lathering and then once more just to make sure all of the shampoo was gone. She could feel gentle fingers move through her hair gently detangling the strands and gently massaging her scalp. That was when she realized that it was no longer the nurse doing her hair.

Dana peeked out from under strands of wet dripping hair to catch a glimpse of a green BDU jacket across the counter.

“Jack?” Dana queried. “Is that you?”

The answer was a soft kiss on the back of her wet neck which made her shiver. “Be still,” he said, “You’re getting water all over everything.”

“But Jack…” she began to protest. “The nurse -” Dana could only imagine how the story of the colonel washing his lady friend’s hair would travel around the base.

“Hey - what did I just say?” Jack replied as he continued to run his fingers slowly through Dana’s hair. “Just relax and let me enjoy myself.”

Dana laughed softly. “I don’t know if I ought to do that,” she said. “I know what it means when you start running your fingers through my hair like that.”

There was another soft kiss on the back of her neck as Jack reached around to pull the towel out of Dana hands. He gently towel dried her hair and discarding the wet towel, draped a dry one over her shoulders. She was able to sit up straight then and brush the damp hair out of her face. Jack knelt beside the chair on the damp tiled floor, smiling at her lovingly.

“You look beautiful,” he said softly. “It’s good to see you up and around.”

“Well, I’m up,” Dana smiled back at him. “But not so much around just yet.” Her smile faded a little. “I guess I was…banged up pretty badly.”

Jack’s eyes grew sorrowful as he reached out to gently touch Dana’s face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry this happened. I would have given anything to have spared you this.”

“To have spared me what, Jack?” Dana asked him. “What happened?”

Jack shook his head and looked away unable to say the words. Dana put her hand against his cheek and turned his face back to hers. Her eyes were pleading but her voice was steady.

“You need to say it, Jack,” she told him. “I need to hear you say it so that I know that I haven’t gone mad.”

“Let’s get you back to the room, he said. “It’s too cold in here -”

“Jack.” There was a weary resolve in Dana’s voice that let Jack know that she wasn’t going anywhere until he answered her question. “Why do you keep avoiding telling me this?”

“Because it’s complicated,” Jack sighed.

“With you, when is it not?” Dana smiled softly. She leaned over and kissed Jack gently. “I love you, Jack O’Neill even with the complications. Maybe because of them. You asked me to trust you to do the right thing for the both of us. Is me not knowing the right thing?”

There was a long pause then Jack shook his head. “Dana, I don’t know how to say it.”

“Straight out is usually the best way,” she replied.

“You’re going to find it hard to believe,”he warned.

“No harder than an Air Force Special Forces Colonel working in the field of deep space radar telemetry,” she said pointedly.

Jack had to smile at that reference to his cover story. “Ok,” he said. “I’ll tell you but first, we really do need to get you back to bed. You’re shivering.”

“Would you believe with anticipation?” Dana said as Jack helped her to stand. He wrapped his BDU jacket around her shoulders.

“Only if I were going back to bed with you,” he joked dryly as he slipped as arm around her waist to steady her as they walked. “Let’s go.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack shook his head. “Even as I say it out loud and I know it to be true, it sounds crazy to me. I can only imagine what it sounds like to you.”

“I was abducted by aliens,” Dana said slowly never taking her eyes off of Jack’s face. “By beings from outer space.”

“Yes,” Jack said. “Exactly.”

“I was abducted by aliens,” she repeated again. “Aliens.”

Jack grew alarmed as Dana grew silent and sat staring at him. “Dana…? Baby, are you ok?”

Dana was suddenly struck with an overwhelming desire to giggle but she fought it because she knew it could turn to hysteria very quickly. Even though Jack had only confirmed what she knew to be true, hearing it said out loud had given her a bit of a turn. Part of her had been hoping it wasn’t true.

“Am I ok?” she repeated shaking her head. “I’ve been abducted by aliens.” She paused as if thinking. “No…no, I don’t think I’m ok.”

“We’re going to stop now,” Jack said firmly as he started to stand up. “Give you a chance to - ”

“No, we’re not going to stop now,” Dana said equally as firmly. “I’m fine. Really.”

Jack sat back down on the bed beside her and waited as Dana took a deep breath.

“You need to tie this all together for me,” she said finally. “If I’m going to process this and come out sane on the other side, I’m going to need to know everything. No more stalling, Jack, no more cover stories. I need to know it all and how it relates to you. No more secrets between us. Ok?”

Jack nodded solemnly. “Ok,” he agreed. “No more secrets. Ask.”

“Ok,” Dana smiled at Jack shakily. “How do you know there are really aliens?” she asked. How can you be so sure there is life on other planets? And for once and for all, Jack, what is it that you really do?”

Jack paused then replied carefully. “I know there are aliens because for the last six years, I’ve worked with one every day and I know there is life on other planets because I’ve been on them.”

“You’ve been on other planets?” Dana said incredulously. “Planets? Plural?”

“Yes,” Jack said. “I explore other planets.”

“You explore other planets.”

“Yes. That’s what I do for a living.”

Dana sat staring at Jack for a long moment as he sat gauging her reaction. After a moment, she nodded slowly, then leaned back against the pillows, closed her eyes and sighed.

“Ok,” she said. “Keep going. From the beginning if you please.”

“Well, for “from the beginning”, I’m going to need to get Daniel in here,” Jack said pressing the call button for the nurse.

Dana opened her eyes with a smile. “Dr. Jackson?” she smirked. “Don’t tell me – he’s the alien you work with every day.”

Jack paused, thinking about Daniel dying and being brought back to life. Twice.

“You know,” he said hesitantly. “I’m not exactly sure how to answer that…”

Dana’s smile faded.


	30. As In Health

Jack eased into the leather chair quietly so as not to wake her. It was late and she was, as he should be, asleep. He had been asleep for a while alone in his on-base quarters, but had awakened in these wee hours, his desire for her strong. But as they were still on the base and she was still in recovery, his need for her would have to wait. So he did the next best thing to caressing her with his hands; he caressed her with his eyes.

There were no more IV’s in her arms, only small bandages to cover where the needles had invaded her. The cut on her forehead had healed and there was only a very light scar that nobody but him would be allowed close enough to see. Her ribs were still sore but healing; he knew what that was like. Because of them she had taken to sleeping on her other side and he wondered if she would change back once they stop giving her pain. The bruises were gone, but there were still scars from the cuts and scratches that would be with her for life.

He had to admit a bit shamefully that he had enjoyed having Dana so near him for the last few weeks even though the first of those weeks had been hell. To see her so battered and mistreated, to have seen her injured and in pain was torment for him. To hear her scream in agony and in terror was more than he thought he could bear but he had held onto her and rode it through with her. He knew loved her before, but he didn’t know how much until now, as he watched her move slowly but surely from injury to health. He knew she had fought her way back to wholeness with everything that was in her and he was proud. He was as proud of her as any soldier under his command, as proud of her as any husband would be of a wife, proud that before the people who opinions he valued the most, she had proven herself to be strong both mentally and emotionally and had met this terrible test and passed it.

Glazing slowly around the darkened room and listening to the quietly beeping monitors, Jack mused that he never would have thought he would have been so comfortable spending so much time in the infirmary. It was on his request that Dana remain in the base infirmary instead of being transfered to the Air Force medical center close by. He had begun to appreciate the cocoon he had created to keep Dana safe and because she was here, it had become home for him. That saddened him because it was something that couldn’t last. Dana was healing, she was getting better and that was important to him. The world he had created for them, this world inside a world was about to end. He let his gaze roam over her slowly taking in every detail of her sleeping form storing it away in a little place in his heart to pull out for later when she was gone. And she was going to be gone; the President was coming.

While he was sure President Santos was coming to inspect the SGC, he was also coming to check on Dana. Jack had been alerted by General Hammond that President Santos had wanted to be informed of how much longer it would be before she’d be released. Frasier had said that she could leave the infirmary in the next few days. His heart said it was too soon, his head knew it was not.

The President was the one part of the world Jack did not have the power to stop from coming in and he knew that when he did everything would change. He would be the reminder of the world beyond these walls, the world that had been stolen from Dana when she was taken and Jack’s heart ached knowing that she would want it back. She was a lot like him in that respect. He might decide to give a thing up, but if it was stolen from him before he did, he'd want it back. Before this had happened, he had been going to bring up the subject of them making their relationship permanent. That’s why he had wanted her to come to Colorado to see his life there and consent to being a part of it. He couldn’t ask her now; she would think it was out of fear or pity and she wouldn’t have that. Now he was going to have to send her back to DC in the hopes that she would return. Back across the country away from him and away from this quiet sheltered place that was all their own.

He was going to miss this, having her all to himself. So he sat there, watching the woman he loved as she slept and healed and prepared himself for the wounds of his own that were to come.


	31. Transition

She had been moved to the VIP guest quarters, such as they were, to complete her recovery. Now that she no longer woke up screaming, and could walk without assistance, (albeit slowly) she did not need to remain in the base’s medical facility. From what she understood, this suite was the best of what they had in this military installation. The room was pleasant enough – with a window or two, it might even be called cozy. But how are you going to get a window in a room that’s miles underground?

Dana shook her head as if trying to clear it and sighed. Like she had done with so many of the thoughts she had in recent weeks, she filed that in the back of her mind. Right now she was going to indulge in what she called her “Scarlet O’Hara” mindset: she’ll think about it tomorrow.

She glanced over at the digital clock face glowing in the dark. It was early yet, but she knew that few people at this facility were asleep. One of the day shifts was just coming onto duty and the overnight personnel were heading to the general mess hall for breakfast. Jack would be here soon, to collect her for breakfast before he went off to greet the President at Peterson AFB and escort him to the SGC for a meet and greet with some alien leaders. Again, Dana shook her head trying to clear it. Meetings about aliens – meetings with aliens. Good Lord – she had had no idea who Jack O’Neill really was. Did she really know now?

Too many questions drove her to seek refuge under the stinging flow of a hot shower. This suite of rooms had a private bathroom for which she was grateful. She needed the privacy, the shield from all of the eyes of the base personnel who looked at her, then looked away. Dana knew they were trying to be respectful, they were trying not to stare but as she had confided to Dr. Frasier, at the same time she felt both on display and ignored.

Dana liked Janet Frasier. She was a straight shooter. It was Frasier who had debriefed her from her hospital bed along with General Hammond. She was grateful for that. She knew Jack would see a report about it, he was too high up in the chain of command not to, but she couldn’t talk about what had happened to her with him in the room. Not just yet anyway.

Dana was dressed and just finishing making up the bed when Jack arrived, handsome in his dress blues. If Jack seemed surprised to find Dana making her bed while dressed in a charcoal grey suit and heels, he didn’t show it. He just smiled at her, handed her the last pillow and helped her smoothed the wrinkles out of the bedspread. They did this without speaking, this intimate ritual. A touch of normality in this not-so-normal place.

Dana knew she didn’t have to make her bed, especially today and it did hurt to strain her battered muscles. It was her way of proving to herself more than anybody else that she was well enough to go home. Both Jack and Dr. Frasier wanted her to remain for a “little longer” but it had been four weeks since she had been rescued and she was anxious to get back to her life and put this nightmare behind her.

Jack knew what Dana was thinking. Upon his telling her that the President was coming to the SGC, Dana insisted that she was not going to meet him dressed as a patient. As she was not allowed to leave the base yet, he knew she had asked Dr. Frasier to help her put in a request to have some of her things sent to her from home. The outfit she had chosen to wear was one of her favorite “power” suits. In it she definitely did not look like a patient but like the confident government insider that she was – or at least had been before she had been taken. The events of this day and how she reacted to them would show them all if she were strong enough to make the transition back to the real world.

“Good Morning,” he said softly across the bed that they did not share.

“Good Morning,” she replied just as softly.

“Sleep well?” he asked.

She nodded. “You?”

Jack shrugged smiling. “Well enough without you there." He walked over to where she stood near the foot of the bed and pulled her into his arms savoring the feel of her body against his. “I’ve missed you.”

“And I’ve missed you.” Dana whispered.

Jack leaned over to kiss her gently on her lips. “Listen, if you don’t feel up to meeting with the President – “

“I’m fine and I am not going to blow off Matt Santos because I need a nap,” she laughed quietly. Dana reached up to touch Jack’s face, her eyes searching his. “It’s time.”

Jack took her hand and kissed her palm, gently, sweetly as if he were lightly kissing her lips. He then gently folded her hand over the kiss and held it as they silently gazed into each other’s eyes as if seeing the other for the first time. They both knew that it was time to let the world back in and that it would change everything between them.

“Dana -” Jack’s eyes mirrored his love and concern but Dana silenced him with another kiss.

“I’ll be fine, Jack. We’ll be fine.”” Dana said pushing him gently towards the door. “Let’s go. You can’t keep the President waiting.”


	32. Homecoming

Jack could have kicked himself for not putting up a bigger fuss when Dana showed up at the cocktail reception at the Air Force Academy with the President. Overwhelmed by seeing Dana looking so much like she did before she was taken, he had let his heart override his head and took her at her word that she was feeling up to it. He was more than a bit upset that the President had pressed her into attending after the meeting they had had earlier in the day. He also felt guilty because he had been so busy with the various briefings for the visiting dignitaries that he hadn’t had a chance to speak to Dana for more than a quick moment. Watching her as she shadowed the President, shaking hands, making small talk with a smile, Jack had to admit Dana seemed to fit easily back into the world she been torn from almost a month ago. Jack understood Dana was making the point that she was strong enough and ready to go back to her life. It made him both very proud and very sad. He suspected he was going to have to get used to feeling that way.

At the end of the reception, Dana refused to go back to the VIP quarters. "Take me home," she had whispered to him as she leaned her head on his shoulder in the car taking them back to the base. She had ridden over with the President but had decided to ride back with him. He didn't argue only instructed the driver to change direction. He had fantasized so many times about welcoming into his home, leading her down this hall to his bedroom but instead of thoughts of passion, Jack’s only thought now was to make Dana as comfortable as possible. It was her first night in his home and it was so very different than he had imagined it would be. Dana was exhausted and even though she wouldn’t admit it, Jack knew she was in some pain. It was still early, but she hadn’t argued with him with he insisted that she go straight to bed.

The bedside lamp was already on as Jack ushered Dana into his bed room. She paused briefly inside of the door looking slowing around the tasteful but decidedly masculine room and nodded approvingly.

“This looks like you,” she said smiling up at him.

“Old and beat-up?” Jack quipped guiding her over to sit on the bed.

Dana laughed tiredly. “Strong, masculine and comfortable,” she said. “I like it very much.”

The door bell chimed softly.

“Those are your meds,” Jack said kissing her softly. “I’ll be right back.” He had called the SGC from the limo on the way to let them know he was not taking Dana home with him and asked Dr. Frasier to send over any medication she would need for the night.

“Jack...” Dana’s weary voice stopped him at the bedroom door, “A cup of tea would be lovely….” Her smile was strained and it made his heart ache.

“Coming right up,” he said.

He retrieved the meds from the airman at the door along with a list of instructions from the doctor and went into the kitchen to put the kettle. While it was heating, he took a glass of water and the pain meds back to the bedroom. He arrived to find that Dana had already started to undress. He tried not to show his concern at seeing how she moved slowly and silently handed her the pain meds and the water. As she took them, the kettle sounded off and he went back to prepare her tea.

Dana was in bed when Jack came back, her clothes draped neatly over the chair by the bed. Although she had the sheet drawn up in front of her, he could see she had nothing on under it. It reminded him poignantly of how she had covered herself shyly the morning after their first night together. How far they had come since then, he thought sadly.

“I wasn’t sure where to put them” she said as he handed her the cup. He reached out to gently touch her hair as she began to sip the tea.

“The chair is fine,” he said softly. “It’s kind of chilly in here. Let me get you one of my tee shirts.”

Dana shook her head and sat the cup on the bedside table. “No need for that.” she said. Reaching out, she pulled Jack down to her and gave him a slow, loving kiss. “I’ll be warm enough when you come to bed.”

It had been some time before she had been taken since they had been intimate together, their separation lengthened by Dana’s recovery. Even so, feeling his body more than ready to respond, Jack hesitated. As much as he wanted her, she was worn out and needed to rest. He had waited this long, he could wait a little longer.

“Dana, baby, you need to rest…” he started, but her fingers pressed gently against his lips to silence him. He waited as she raised tear filled eyes to his.

“What I need is to feel your body against mine” she whispered, “To have your touch wipe away the feel of their hands on me. I need you to make me yours again.”

It was now his turn to stop her words as his mouth captured hers. “You never stopped being mine,” Jack whispered, his voice rough with emotion, “And you never will.”

He could feel her begin to weep as he kissed her over and over again, each kiss deeper than before. Desire long denied blazed between them, and his Air Force dress blues joined her charcoal grey suit on the chair.

As he pulled Dana into his arms, Jack almost forgot his resolve to take it slow and be mindful of her injuries. Others had place rough hands on her; tonight he would make sure he was very, very gentle. He made love to her as she cried, his hands, his mouth on every part of her. He traced her scars with gently with his fingers and softly kissed her bruises. His own tears washed over her as if to cleanse away any nightmare or dark memory of the unspeakable things that happened to her and she continued wept, sobbing his name over and over again. As they moved as one, and as Dana rose to meet him, Jack whispered his love to her, claiming her, possessing her, making sure that all she could feel, all that she would remember was their love.


	33. Daybreak

The tickling Dana felt as she slowly came awake was Jack’s breath warm on her shoulder. He had wrapped himself around her in his sleep burying his face in the curve of her neck. It was a wonderful luxurious way to wake up. She wished all of her days could start like this.

As she started to stretch, Jack’s arms tightened around her. “Uh-uhm” he muttered sleepily against her neck pulling her firmly back against him.

“Good Morning, my love,” she whispered reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. He kissed her shoulder and snuggled in closer.

“I need to get up, Jack.”

“Uh-uh. Stay.”

Dana chuckled. “Jack, I need to get up.”

“Um? Umph….” He loosened his hold slightly and didn’t resist as she pushed the covers back and sat up shivering in the cool morning air. Jack rolled over onto his stomach pulling the blankets closer around him to compensate for the loss of her warmth. “Cold. Fire’s out.” he muttered as Dana stretched, yawning. “Your turn.”

Dana picked up one of the bed pillows that had been tossed to the floor during the night and threw it on him. Jack took the pillow and pulled it under his head drawing the blankets up to cover his ears. In the chest in the corner of the room, Dana pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt. Even though they were alone in the cabin she dressed against the chill of the Minnesota morning for the short trip to the bathroom down the hall.

Walking into living room, Dana gazed out at the dawn of the clear fall morning. She stood for a moment taking in the brilliant golden, red and brown leaves and wished that their week together was not coming to an end. Even though it was late in the year and they could only stay for a week, Jack had insisted they come up to the cabin to have some needed “alone time” together. They needed to talk, he said, to make some decisions before the rest of the world made them for them.

The first couple of days had been rough. They talked about Dana’s ordeal, her change in status as it related to her position in the White House and how they were going to deal with it as a couple. This conversation brought with it both pain and joy but they had worked through it. They were able to enjoy the rest of the time just being with each other now that they had cleared those elephants out of the room. They didn’t settle everything – there were so many variables that they couldn’t predict but Dana felt that they had laid a foundation they could build on that would stand the weight of what would come. Day after tomorrow, they would head back to the SGC and then on to DC per the President’s orders. This would all be a dream and she and Jack would eventually end up on opposite sides of the country once again but today as the dawn’s light began to fill the cabin, Dana knew that their love would survive.

Grabbing a log from the stack next to the living room fireplace, Dana made her way back to the bedroom where Jack was snoring lightly. Having stirred up the embers in the bedroom hearth and adding the log she slipped back underneath the covers her movements waking him back up.

Half-asleep, Jack reached over and pulled Dana to him. As she snuggled against him she said, “The daybreak’s beautiful this morning.”

“Yeah?” Jack said sleepily. He kissed her on her neck slipping a hand under her tee shirt. “It’s beautiful in here, too.”

“Don’t you want to get up and - ”

“Nope.”

“The lake is beautiful and - ”

“I’ll see it later.”

“Are you planning to stay in bed all day?”

“I’m on vacation.”

“And you plan to spend it in bed.”

“There are worse places.”

There was silence as they both reflected as the truth of that statement came unbidden to mind. Jack pulled Dana closer and buried his face in her hair as if to block out those dark visions. She snuggled in closer as his other hand also sought out the warmth of her body under the grey Air Force tee shirt she had pulled on.

“Your hands are cold,” Dana said.

“Cold hands, warm heart,” Jack said. He tugged at the tee shirt. “What’s wrong with this picture?” He asked now fully awake. Dana smiled as he tugged on the waistband on her sweat pants.

“Nothing as far as I’m concerned,” she said. “It’s cold.”

“Really?” Jack said as he slipped his hand inside the sweats. Dana gasped as his fingers slipped between her legs and began to caress her. “Feels pretty warm to me.”

“You are a bad man,” she said as he pushed up her tee shirt.

“The worst,” he said as he continued to stroke her. Pushing her shirt up higher his mouth captured the nipple of her breast. Dana moaned and pressed against his hand.

“Oh God…” Dana whimpered.

“Name’s Jack”, he said releasing her breast to capture her lips. She laughed against his mouth then groaned in protest as he removed his fingers from her. “Sorry, but now I need to get up.”

Dana groaned in disappointment. “You are a bad, bad man,” she said. “And a tease.”

“I won’t be long,” Jack said giving her a quick kiss. He slipped out from under the covers and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. “Hold that thought.”

Dana watched as Jack trotted out of the room and scooted quickly over to where he had been laying before the warmth in the spot dissipated. After a moment she heard him leave the bathroom and giggling like a schoolgirl, she scrunched down in the bed, pulling the covers over her head. A few moments later she felt a soft thump as if something had landed on her head and tumbled down onto the bed.

“What the heck was that?” she asked peeking out from under the cover to see Jack making his way back to the bed.

“What was what?” he said as he slipped out of his sweats to crawl back under the sheets. He had a soft smile on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Dana gave him a smiling frown as she sat up in bed causing whatever it was to tumble under the sheets. Instinctively she squealed and jumped out of the bed imagining all sorts of things that could have found its way into the cabin there in the woods. Her quick scrambling caused Jack to break into a hearty laugh at her expense.

“Jack!” Dana protested stomping her foot, “It’s not funny! Find it – get it out!”

“Wuss,” Jack teased. He glanced under the covers as if looking for the offending object. “Let’s see… uh-oh – there is something…. oh wow, that’s pretty big – no wait, that’s me.” He gave Dana a wicked grin.

“Jack!” Dana gave a scandalized giggle. “You are terrible!”

Jack laughed and threw back the covers. “If you don’t believe me, take a look.”

“Oh you,” Dana said in mock exasperation as she approached the bed, “I know there was some –“ She stopped short as she caught sight of the small square black velvet object lying on the mattress in front of Jack’s bare abdomen. After a moment of shocked silence her eyes travel up to Jack’s face where his deep brown eyes, full of love, held hers for what seemed to be an eternity.

“Marry me,” he said simply.

The room began to spin for Dana and she could hardly catch her breath. “Oh God…”

“I told you, the name’s Jack,” he said reaching out over the top of the little box to take Dana’s hand in his and pull her down to sit on the bed. “Marry me, Dana.”

“Jack,” she breathed again. “Oh, Jack…” She gave him a trembling smile as her eyes became bright with unshed tears.

“I love you,” Jack pulled her to him and brushed his warm, firm lips gently across Dana’s soft trembling ones. “I love you and I want you to marry me. Say yes,” he ordered gently.

“Yes,” Dana whispered giving Jack a radiant smile. “Yes, yes, yes….I’ll marry - “

Before Dana could finish she found herself in the crush of Jack’s embrace, his lips on hers in a deep passionate kiss. She eagerly returned it but as Jack pulled her beneath him, she could feel a hard square shape pressing into her back

“Jack, the box...” Dana broke the kiss to indicate that she was lying on top of it. His hands moved searchingly along the curve of her back. Locating the offending object, Jack pulled it out and surprised Dana by tossing it out of the bed where it hit the wall and rolled into a corner.

“First things first,” he said as his hands moved to pull off the tee shirt she still wore and to tug at the waistband of her sweats. “What did I tell you about this/”

Before Dana could answer, Jack smothered her mouth with a burning kiss and not long after the sweats joined the little velvet box in the corner.


	34. The Need to Know

Dana watched as the SG teams casually lined up at the base of the ramp through the briefing room window, absently running her thumb over the gold band of connecting hearts that now adorned the fourth finger of her left hand. It calmed her as she watched the two teams joking around joking around, laughing like it was another day at the office or as if they were waiting to board a train. How had this become so ordinary of a thing for them? Would it become so for her?

She was here at Jack’s request. They had talked about it at the cabin after that morning of sweet lovemaking, after he had asked her to marry him and she said yes. He wanted her to understand the reality what the Stargate program was all about before they left for DC and to understand his role in it. She had promised him she’d be there and although dreading it, she was there.

Jack hadn’t wanted Dana to be alone during this first time out so he asked the doctor if she come stay with her. She readily agreed, promising Dana that she would answer any questions she might have about the program. They encountered Dr. Jackson, Major Carter and Teal’c dressed in full combat gear on their way to the gate room, Teal’c and Major Carter nodding politely as they passed by. Dr. Jackson reached out to give Dana’s arm an encouraging squeeze which made her smile. Outside of Jack and Dr. Frasier, Daniel Jackson was the only one of SG-1 who had visited her while she was in the infirmary. She realized early on that his concern for her welfare was a part of his concern for Jack’s. She found it comforting to know Jack had such a good friend going with him through the Stargate.

Dr. Frasier tapped lightly on the door of the ready room and then opened it. Stepping inside, Dana found Jack leaning casually against a counter with his arms folded, waiting for her. “I’ll be right out here when you’re ready,” Dr. Frasier told them as she closed the door leaving them alone in the room together.

Even though she had kissed him goodbye just a few hours earlier, Dana felt suddenly shy before the soldier in front of her. She had seen Jack in the green and blue BDUs and in his full dress blue uniform but this was the first time she could remember seeing him in full combat gear, a knife strapped to his waist and what looked like some sort of gun on his hip. This was her Jack but there was something very different about him. She was face to face with the tough as nails Special Forces Colonel, the part of him she knew the least. Maybe it was the starkness of the black that gave him the air of self-assured command power, but there was more to it. There was hardness about him even in his eyes that she had never seen before and it made her shiver inside, just a little. Her thumb brushed absently over the ring once again.

Jack smiled slightly at Dana’s awkwardness understanding this was all new to her. It was why he requested that SG-1 tag along on the mission. He wanted her to see for herself him going through the gate. She needed to know that this was who he was and this was what he did. He needed to know that she could accept it.

“C’mere,” he said quietly as he opened his arms and the next moment Dana found her herself being held tightly in his embrace. Her shyness and uncertainty disappeared as he buried his face in her neck and breathed deeply of the sweet, warm scent of her skin. Jack knew Dana was trying not to think of all of the things that could go wrong, all of the dangers that he would be facing. He was doing the same. He could be lost to her forever in a place she couldn’t begin to imagine over distances she couldn’t begin to understand. It was the cold reality of what he did for a living and she had to face it if they were going to have a life together.

“I love you”, she whispered.

Jack took Dana’s left hand and brought it to his lips, brushing them across the ring he had placed on her finger just days before. “I know.” he replied, and then kissed her.

The kiss cut off Dana’s laughing groan. “No laughing,” Jack growled good-naturedly as he trailed kisses down her neck causing her laugh even more at the absurdity of their situation. Jack had answered her with a line taken from a sci-fi movie love scene which now seemed much less like a cliché than it had before. Through no fault of her own, her whole life had been turned into a science fiction cliché. She was in a secret underground government facility being passionately kissed by a man who explored other planets and hunted evil space aliens as a living. He felt her relax in his arms as she felt his answering laugh rumbling against her throat. Dana sighed in relief that in spite of it all he was still the Jack O’Neill who loved her.

A familiar siren began to sound indicating that the activation of the Stargate was about to begin. Her laughter faded as she looked into Jack’s eyes and the both of them understanding what that meant.

“I have to go now,” he said softly.

“I know,” she replied but neither of them smiled.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised.

There was a gentle tap against the door and after a moment Dr. Frasier opened it and stood waiting. Jack reached around Dana to pick up his rifle and leaning over her gave her one last quick kiss.

As he walked passed the doctor Jack secured the rifle to the strap already over his shoulder and said, “Take good care of her, Doc. That’s an order.” Then without looking back, he strode confidently down the hall, putting on his cap and pulling on his gloves and in turning a corner, was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~

As the wormhole formed with a thunderous roar, and the wave of the event horizon lashed out from the circle, Dana involuntarily stepped back away from the conference room window even though she knew she was in no danger. She had been given the basic version of what the Stargate was and did, but to see it first hand was overwhelming.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Dr. Frasier commented from beside her. Without taking her eyes from the shimmering pool of blue-white light Dana nodded.

“Yes, it is” she answered gravely, “And frightening.”

She didn’t meet Dr. Frasier’s questioning gaze as she stepped back up to the window and looked down to see Jack looking up from the floor. She wasn’t sure that he could clearly see her face from there but she took a deep breath and gave him her most confident smile. Raising her fingers to her lips, she kissed them and gave him a small wave. She noticed how he looked casually over his shoulder at the SG teams who were studiously looking away from him and mirrored her gesture back to her. Her smile broadened as she gave a chuckle at the thought of his discretion. Although they hadn’t told anyone of their engagement having decide to only inform individuals on a need to know basis, it wasn’t as if the whole of the SGC wasn’t already aware of their feelings for each other.

General Hammond’s voice came booming over the intercom. She figured he must be in the control room that she was told was on the level below them.

“SG teams One and Eight, you have a go. God Speed,” he said.

Dana watched as Jack turned to give a relaxed two finger salute towards the control room in response. His gaze lingered for a moment on the window above where she looked down and their gazes locked just a second. Then he turned and led his teams up the ramp to disappear into the blinding blue white light. After a moment the swirling pool abruptly disappeared leaving the empty gate room filled with a deafening silence.

Shaken, Dana turned her back on the now steaming Stargate. It was frightening to see it in action but she knew she had to find the strength to face this aspect of her new reality and grow from it if she were going to be a significant part of Jack O’Neill’s life. Closing her eyes, she said a silent prayer for Jack’s protection adding a simple request of her own for strength and inner peace. She knew that she was going to need an abundance of both to hold on until Jack brought his teams home.

“Are you ok?” the doctor asked her gently. “Let’s go back to my office and talk a bit.”

Dana nodded. “I’m ok,” she replied and knew that she was. She would be able to face whatever she had to deal with, whatever came as long as Jack was by her side. Her thumb brushed over the gold band on her finger, the tangible sign of Jack’s love for her. He’d be back soon. He promised. And she would be waiting.

Feeling the requested sense of peace settle over her, Dana smiled at Dr. Frasier who was watching her intently. Before this night was over, Frasier was going to become Dana’s new best friend. She had many questions to ask and she was going to ask them all.

“So, Janet - may I call you Janet?” Dana asked confidently as they moved towards the briefing room door. “Let’s start from the top. About this Stargate Program of yours…tell me - what do I need to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Stargate:Parallel Universe. Nothing gives a writer greater pleasure than to know their words are being read. After the holidays I'll be loading up the other Jack/Dana stories.
> 
> I would love to hear your comments. Please let me know what you think and what you'd like to see next because I'm still writing in this universe. Again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


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